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I can't believe this happened. I ruined my life. When you break it down I decided

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that I didn't want to be a woman before I had ever even experienced being a

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woman. I had no idea what being a woman was like because I was a child and now

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I feel like I will never entirely know. I want to say that I really feel like some

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people in the trans community and the trans medicalists and the doctors really

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really target the most vulnerable of us. I have borderline personality disorder

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and I know for a fact that this is the reason for my transition. It's a very

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difficult mental illness and one of the core features is not having any sense of

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self or identity and my doctors knew this. I told them, even though they didn't ask,

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um, that I had been diagnosed with BPD um and it was all fine to them. I

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wasn't happy as a girl so that meant I was a boy

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and I was trans and so I

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I just um took the cure that was handed to me.

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um I I was told that I was being given a cure

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and I I wouldn't want to kill myself anymore um and it wasn't true

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I didn't want to cry in this video but this is such a hard thing to talk about. I um

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um I lost a lot of things to this and I just hope that anyone else who's going through what I went

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through as a young girl will not be prescribed hormones and surgery because of other things.

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um you know there are so many mental health disorders that make you hate your body

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and the solution isn't to change your body it's to fix your brain you know um I just don't want

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anyone else to ever feel this way I lost my voice I lost my chest I don't know if I'm going to be able

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to have kids um I feel like no one wants to date me or love me because I'm ruined