1 00:00:00,140 --> 00:00:02,140 Good evening, godless sodomites. 2 00:00:02,380 --> 00:00:04,480 We're here to talk about the end of the world. 3 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:10,420 And anybody who believes that I am a man, obviously is an idiot. 4 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:11,660 She's a man. 5 00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:13,160 He's lying. 6 00:00:13,740 --> 00:00:14,520 Shut up! 7 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:21,080 My mom said to me, you know, sweetheart, one day you should settle down and marry a rich man. 8 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:23,040 And I said, mom, I am a rich man. 9 00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:23,820 Give me those. 10 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:24,780 You pricked my finger. 11 00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:25,720 You're such a woman. 12 00:00:25,980 --> 00:00:26,540 But you are the woman. 13 00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:27,580 No, I'm the man. 14 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:28,260 Who am I? 15 00:00:28,260 --> 00:00:29,120 I'm a tranny. 16 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:31,460 I'm a man. 17 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:35,320 What would surprise people about Jessica Alba? 18 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:37,220 I'm a man. 19 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:38,080 I don't know. 20 00:00:38,100 --> 00:00:38,960 I always feel silly. 21 00:00:39,100 --> 00:00:41,920 I guess men do going, as they say, in drag. 22 00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:50,800 But the history of theater shows that years ago in the Elizabethan times, I guess, all of the women's roles were played by men who put on women's clothes. 23 00:00:50,980 --> 00:00:51,980 And I look great on you. 24 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:53,020 You look great in red. 25 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:56,780 Bracco Welch is the last of the great Hollywood goddesses. 26 00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:58,320 Do you think you're sexy? 27 00:00:59,120 --> 00:00:59,720 No. 28 00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:03,060 I don't find myself even the littlest bit sexy. 29 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:03,540 Really? 30 00:01:03,740 --> 00:01:04,880 But I can pretend. 31 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,820 We're here to honor achievement in that category. 32 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:10,540 By giving you a golden idol to worship. 33 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,500 Kneel before your God, Babylon! 34 00:01:13,500 --> 00:01:28,840 I propose that we end the world, but on our terms, an orchestrated apocalypse, one that will cleanse the earth of its population but leave its infrastructure and resources intact. 35 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:33,460 It's been done once before, with great success. 36 00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:41,800 And when it's over, we will emerge onto a cleansed earth, one that we can then reboot in our image. 37 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:45,360 And just how do you intend to achieve this? 38 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:48,840 The means of our salvation are already at hand. 39 00:01:49,580 --> 00:01:53,660 I give to you a T-Virus. 40 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,960 Emma Watson, Beauty and the Beast! 41 00:01:55,960 --> 00:02:11,100 The first acting award in history that doesn't separate nominees based on their sex says something about how we perceive the human experience. 42 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:13,280 This is very meaningful to me. 43 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:18,520 Total outrage after a survivor contestant outs a rival as transgender. 44 00:02:18,860 --> 00:02:22,120 He's now apologizing for his inexcusable mistake. 45 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:23,580 Yeah, he's even calling it assault. 46 00:02:23,740 --> 00:02:25,240 But is the show to blame, too? 47 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:27,520 We're going straight to the men at the center of it all. 48 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:37,420 You have so much fake hair that if you commit a crime, the CSI lab would probably convict some Ukrainian girl. 49 00:02:37,580 --> 00:02:41,200 I think that, you know, there's no sense in coming to play survivor quietly. 50 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:44,620 There is deception going on right here. 51 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:48,240 And she was like, yeah, I look like a boy with long hair. 52 00:02:48,700 --> 00:02:51,200 And I made a PowerPoint presentation for her. 53 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:57,640 And in that presentation were androgynous rock stars. 54 00:02:58,060 --> 00:03:06,280 With his vision and God-given talent, he is still one of the world's most respected and loved artists. 55 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:12,100 Is it him or a very good double? 56 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:13,220 Well, that was the idea. 57 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:16,700 That was the other part of it, that there was a guy who looked like you taking your place. 58 00:03:16,860 --> 00:03:18,160 No, well, this is him. 59 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:22,280 So do you and Kanye, like, fart in front of each other or do you talk about farts? 60 00:03:23,460 --> 00:03:24,840 Like, do you fart in front of him? 61 00:03:25,420 --> 00:03:26,300 I don't fart. 62 00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:26,880 What are you talking about? 63 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:27,480 You don't fart. 64 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:30,940 That kind of surgery can be done over the weekend. 65 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:31,880 Good evening. 66 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:37,280 The Hollywood Foreign Press Association has an anal tradition. 67 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:40,000 They have an anus tradition. 68 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:43,260 Sofia Vergara has a man jaw. 69 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,820 Sofia Vergara, has anyone checked for a penis? 70 00:03:46,820 --> 00:03:52,640 These are from the internet. 71 00:03:52,660 --> 00:03:54,100 For sure bigger than yours. 72 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:58,620 People are kind of obsessed with you and your lovely wife, Olivia Wilde. 73 00:03:58,740 --> 00:04:00,180 But she's a different species. 74 00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:01,100 Oh, it's a different thing. 75 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:03,300 Bone structure, skin. 76 00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:03,680 Yeah, totally. 77 00:04:03,860 --> 00:04:05,300 I'm surprised you can, like, breed. 78 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:07,680 Eyes color, like, literally just about everything. 79 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,240 I think I would say my penis is better. 80 00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:14,300 I'll go on record saying I have a better penis than her. 81 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:15,960 I bet you five... 82 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:16,500 You know what? 83 00:04:16,540 --> 00:04:17,120 You're probably right. 84 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,180 I bet you five bucks. 85 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:19,640 You're wrong. 86 00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:20,900 We're probably tied at best. 87 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:22,320 At best, we're tied. 88 00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:27,920 They, like, their whole, like, idea was, like, we want real people. 89 00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:30,080 So they, you know, they, like, got... 90 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:30,620 I don't know. 91 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:31,740 We were, like, on a beach. 92 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,140 And then they threw us a football. 93 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:33,980 And they're, like, play football. 94 00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:38,340 And all the other models were, like, playing football, like, in a pretty way. 95 00:04:38,460 --> 00:04:39,760 You know, like, and not me. 96 00:04:41,660 --> 00:04:42,980 I was all of the photos. 97 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:45,060 I've got a red face covered in sweat. 98 00:04:45,060 --> 00:04:46,140 My nostrils are flared. 99 00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:46,720 I'm like... 100 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:51,220 Would Jessica Simpson, if you'd played a game of touch football with her Saturday night 101 00:04:51,220 --> 00:04:54,180 and you were going to play another game with her after the game on Sunday, 102 00:04:54,620 --> 00:04:58,520 would it, as Terrell Owens has said, have distracted you so much 103 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:01,420 that your performance on the field might have been bad? 104 00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:04,940 Would that really have distracted you? 105 00:05:04,940 --> 00:05:06,220 No. 106 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:07,000 No. 107 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:08,040 Absolutely not. 108 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:09,840 Besides, she's got man face. 109 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:11,320 She's got what? 110 00:05:11,420 --> 00:05:12,480 She's got a man face. 111 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:13,000 George. 112 00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:14,120 She looks like a truck driver. 113 00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:18,600 Give her a flat top and a mustache, a pair of engineer boots and a black leather jacket, 114 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:19,860 man, you'd be scared of her. 115 00:05:20,340 --> 00:05:21,780 The eggnog cookies. 116 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:22,220 Yes. 117 00:05:22,220 --> 00:05:30,660 All right, let's try it again. 118 00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:31,640 Hit it. 119 00:05:32,020 --> 00:05:34,360 No, Michelle is a trans. 120 00:05:34,980 --> 00:05:35,640 I'm sorry. 121 00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:36,200 She's a what? 122 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:38,100 A transgender. 123 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:39,440 We all know. 124 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:40,180 Oh, my gosh. 125 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:41,320 Oh, gosh. 126 00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:42,480 It's okay. 127 00:05:47,220 --> 00:05:48,560 I was puked yesterday. 128 00:05:48,780 --> 00:05:49,220 I'm a puker. 129 00:05:49,220 --> 00:05:49,780 Did you really? 130 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,580 Yeah, I'm a big time puker. 131 00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:52,760 I think I have like nervous. 132 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:55,400 I think that I don't stop working. 133 00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:56,780 I'm just like, because I'm a show pony. 134 00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:58,260 I don't have a choice. 135 00:05:58,580 --> 00:06:01,160 Unlike Beyonce, who is definitely pregnant. 136 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:02,540 No questions asked. 137 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:05,340 Until now. 138 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,560 There are actually a lot of people that believe this rumor. 139 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:11,280 And it's crazy. 140 00:06:12,060 --> 00:06:14,480 I guess there are some crazy celebrities in the world. 141 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:16,380 So we get a bad rep. 142 00:06:16,380 --> 00:06:26,020 But to think that I would be that vain, there's certain things that you just shouldn't play around with. 143 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:30,400 And a child, you don't play around with that. 144 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:37,620 We take the unfertilized egg of an ovulating female and destroy all of its genes and chromosomes. 145 00:06:38,340 --> 00:06:41,620 We then implant the nucleus of the donor cell. 146 00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:45,180 That cell was its genetic material intact. 147 00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:49,840 Eventually becomes an embryo and is born as a living creature. 148 00:06:50,180 --> 00:06:51,140 Without penance. 149 00:06:51,140 --> 00:06:55,760 Well, it has no father because the egg was never fertilized. 150 00:06:56,260 --> 00:07:00,160 No mother because its genetic code comes from another being. 151 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,740 And this can be done with humans? 152 00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:05,620 If the surgical technique were precise enough. 153 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:07,660 It's monstrous, doctor. 154 00:07:08,020 --> 00:07:08,360 Why? 155 00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:12,920 Wouldn't you want to live in a world full of Mozarts and Picassos? 156 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:30,260 I feel that royal duty, in a way, is slightly more in-brained. 157 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:30,960 It has to be. 158 00:07:31,020 --> 00:07:33,680 I mean, it has to be trained, in a way. 159 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:36,140 This image is quite disturbing. 160 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:36,920 What does it represent? 161 00:07:38,380 --> 00:07:39,400 The underworld. 162 00:07:40,420 --> 00:07:40,800 Hell. 163 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,980 Where the unrepentant are sent in on their death. 164 00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:50,340 Satan, a fallen angel, is surrounded by the souls of the damned. 165 00:07:51,940 --> 00:07:55,280 I find it curious that you believe the soul can survive the death of the body. 166 00:07:56,220 --> 00:08:01,000 It is the cornerstone of our faith that the soul is immortal, meant for everlasting life. 167 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:05,000 If the human soul interests you. 168 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:06,240 Yes. 169 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:08,460 Indeed, very much. 170 00:08:09,180 --> 00:08:13,340 For example, do you believe the body can exist without the soul? 171 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,780 It is the soul that makes us human. 172 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:22,900 Without it, we would be nothing more than animals. 173 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:24,840 Well, you actually seem like a human being. 174 00:08:24,940 --> 00:08:25,820 Oh, thank you. 175 00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:26,400 Thanks. 176 00:08:26,460 --> 00:08:27,740 Do you enjoy being a human being? 177 00:08:27,780 --> 00:08:29,240 Because human beings have a lot of frailty. 178 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:29,580 I do. 179 00:08:29,820 --> 00:08:30,180 Yeah. 180 00:08:30,180 --> 00:08:32,900 But it is going to bother you, because you're human. 181 00:08:33,140 --> 00:08:34,000 And I was human. 182 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:35,380 I am human, still. 183 00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:41,160 But I was just referring to myself in the past. 184 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:44,020 Not that I was not human. 185 00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:46,280 You do have a face that is not typically American. 186 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:46,980 It could be Swedish. 187 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:47,580 Yeah. 188 00:08:48,180 --> 00:08:48,760 Could be. 189 00:08:48,860 --> 00:08:50,140 It could be almost Scandinavian. 190 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:51,460 You can pinch me. 191 00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:52,020 I'm real. 192 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:52,820 See that? 193 00:08:52,860 --> 00:08:53,400 Oh, yes. 194 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:55,160 Strangely hairless body you have. 195 00:08:55,160 --> 00:09:00,360 You're quite the dolphin, aren't you? 196 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:03,940 It's not easy being a human being. 197 00:09:03,940 --> 00:09:06,760 Yeah, I tell you, you're absolutely hair free. 198 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:09,880 Well, thank you. 199 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:11,600 Are you a competitive swimmer? 200 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,620 You sound like you're from District 12. 201 00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:16,480 What's that? 202 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:20,100 You're playing a guy, uh, Joy, a guy. 203 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,380 You've got that range. 204 00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:22,280 I'm so flattered. 205 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,280 You've got that range. 206 00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:24,280 That's a trick. 207 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:25,860 That's an actor trick. 208 00:09:25,860 --> 00:09:28,540 My breathing plans are reaching fruition. 209 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:30,700 Lisa is fertile. 210 00:09:32,060 --> 00:09:35,200 Tonight, she and Tyler will mate. 211 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,660 We have still not learned how to extract the human soul. 212 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:43,000 When Lisa's children are born, how will you control them? 213 00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:49,140 Amy, she will provide the secret to blessing humans. 214 00:09:49,140 --> 00:10:00,120 For every living thing in the universe, separation ceases, and we all become one being singing one song. 215 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,460 Track their health data and share their genomes. 216 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:09,460 History has certainly shown that even the most intuitive criminal investigator can be wrong from time to time. 217 00:10:09,460 --> 00:10:24,400 But if I am mistaken, if the lieutenant is indeed a woman, as she claims to be, then, my friend, she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I have ever seen! 218 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:27,400 That's why Roger Podactor is dead! 219 00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:29,500 He found Captain Winky! 220 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:34,460 During our sex scene, I felt your dick rubbing into the... 221 00:10:34,460 --> 00:10:43,580 And that is Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt's Playground Insults. 222 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,180 That was the darkest one yet. 223 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:49,120 By far. 224 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:49,200 By far. 225 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:55,220 Thank you.