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Good morning. All this hubbub in the United States Department of Justice about TikTok and other Chinese apps. Why?

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Those motherfucking apps collect data on you and store it in China.

3
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What app ever created does not collect data on you? You show me one, please. God.

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And if you want to know the greatest data collectors of all time, it's Google and Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

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Wake the fuck up, people. What is this hubbub all about?

6
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It is about the United States not being able to collect data on its system through yet another app.

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Because they sure as fuck have access to Google and Facebook.

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All they need is a goddamn subpoena.

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How hard is it to get a subpoena if you're in the Justice Department?

10
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I don't know, a 15-minute process.

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And then Google's got to give up everything.

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So does Facebook. So does Twitter. So does Instagram.

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So does every fucking app owner in America.

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But if you're not in America, well, they can't issue a subpoena.

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So that's their goddamn problem.

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And people, if you think that TikTok poses a threat to you as an individual,

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you just need to wake up.

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But your greatest threat as an individual is a fucking smartphone that you carry with you everywhere.

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It is a spy device that monitors, watches, listens to your every movement,

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your every tweet, your every direct message.

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Holy shit, people.

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Stop believing the fucking propaganda you're being fed.

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And thank you.