1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:04,420 20% of you who have left home in the past or have returned home. 2 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:06,620 No goddamn jobs for you. 3 00:00:06,700 --> 00:00:09,340 You've got degrees in engineering and everything else. 4 00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:10,920 Can't get a fucking job. 5 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:11,660 Why? 6 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:13,380 Well, not because of coronavirus, 7 00:00:13,740 --> 00:00:19,860 but because of our government's response to it by shutting down the economy. 8 00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:21,600 Now, what are you supposed to do? 9 00:00:21,740 --> 00:00:23,000 I get messages all the time. 10 00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:24,180 I have a degree in engineering. 11 00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:24,920 What do I do? 12 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:27,000 That's a piece of paper. 13 00:00:27,300 --> 00:00:28,940 You'll not make a dime from that. 14 00:00:28,940 --> 00:00:32,840 Not for 10 fucking years until our economy recovers. 15 00:00:33,340 --> 00:00:34,600 In the meantime, what do you do? 16 00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:38,460 By looking for a job that requires an engineering degree, 17 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,200 you're limiting yourself. 18 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:41,460 You ain't going to get one. 19 00:00:41,540 --> 00:00:42,700 Not this fucking year, people. 20 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:47,040 There's such a goddamn surplus you wouldn't believe. 21 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:48,840 So what do you do? 22 00:00:49,620 --> 00:00:51,540 Use your fucking heads. 23 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:53,080 Good God. 24 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:54,940 I mean, you've got... 25 00:00:54,940 --> 00:00:56,200 Look it up. 26 00:00:56,580 --> 00:00:56,960 Jobs. 27 00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:58,000 What is available? 28 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:01,740 Well, there's professional fucking snuggler. 29 00:01:01,860 --> 00:01:03,500 I goddamn am telling you the truth. 30 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:04,200 Google it. 31 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:05,480 Every city in America. 32 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:07,140 Hire yourself out. 33 00:01:07,260 --> 00:01:09,220 Eighty to one hundred fucking dollars an hour. 34 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:09,960 No sex. 35 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:15,900 Snuggling with people who are lonely and need a fucking snuggle. 36 00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:16,860 What else we got? 37 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:17,740 We got... 38 00:01:17,740 --> 00:01:18,060 Whoa. 39 00:01:18,060 --> 00:01:18,760 Here's one. 40 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,060 Ayurvedic consultant. 41 00:01:21,340 --> 00:01:24,500 It's an ancient Hindu healing technique. 42 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:27,600 It takes one goddamn month to learn, 43 00:01:27,740 --> 00:01:30,820 and you can charge $200 an hour. 44 00:01:31,060 --> 00:01:32,640 No license required. 45 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:37,680 Put an ad in the newspaper on your website. 46 00:01:37,900 --> 00:01:38,420 What do we ask? 47 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:40,720 Well, feng shui consultant. 48 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:45,580 $1,000 per job and requires no training, really. 49 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:47,120 Just put a name. 50 00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:50,540 I'm a feng shui consultant. 51 00:01:50,780 --> 00:01:51,420 What else we got? 52 00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:55,240 We've got ethical hackers, professional attendees. 53 00:01:55,400 --> 00:02:00,280 People actually pay money to attend their goddamn funerals, weddings, and parties. 54 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:00,760 Why? 55 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:05,560 They want to prove that they know lots of people. 56 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:06,040 People. 57 00:02:07,300 --> 00:02:08,020 You millennials. 58 00:02:08,340 --> 00:02:09,780 You young motherfuckers. 59 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,000 You don't have to wake up. 60 00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:16,580 Change your perspective of reality. 61 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:18,040 Good luck.