1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,280
Hateful rhetoric on both sides of the gun issue. If you're anticipating civil war, I think I can help you.

2
00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:13,980
This is the layout, assuming we're having war. If this map looks backwards, it's not. My Polish printer assured me it was correct.

3
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:18,000
Let's look first at the blue states, which are the liberals.

4
00:00:18,980 --> 00:00:24,560
Here we have on the west coast of California and others.

5
00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:34,540
First, you're vastly outnumbered in terms of guns. I suggest you arm yourselves to the teeth with the latest Israeli weaponry. Vastly superior.

6
00:00:36,060 --> 00:00:41,760
Colorado and New Mexico, I'm sorry you're surrounded. See if Mexico won't annex you.

7
00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:45,700
The central north, you're too damn cold. No one wants you.

8
00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:51,400
And the northeast, just tell them you're part of Canada. They won't know the fucking difference.

9
00:00:51,400 --> 00:01:00,940
And lastly, Florida. I suggest you change the state language to Spanish, and when the invaders look for El Baño, can't find one, they'll go home.

10
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:11,800
Now then, for the red states, the conservatives, the gun owners, you should anticipate that the west coast is going to arm itself to the fucking teeth with the latest Israeli weapons.

11
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:19,800
I suggest you preempt this by selling them your Daisy BB rifles and tell them they're AR-15s. They won't know the fucking difference.

12
00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:24,980
Colorado and New Mexico, worthless land. Ignore it. See if you can sell it to Mexico.

13
00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:28,960
The central north, too damn cold. You don't want that.

14
00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:32,520
And the northeast, it's part of Canada. Ignore it.

15
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:40,900
Finally, Florida, if you cannot sell it to Cuba, then blow the bridges and stop piranha in all the swamps.

16
00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:42,900
That will keep them busy till the war is over.

17
00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:47,060
And there you have it. I am impartial, and good luck to both sides.

18
00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:47,640
Thank you.