1 00:00:05,599 --> 00:00:12,160 for years to get it taken down, and no one listened, and then it just gets reposted w... 2 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:16,800 and Pernhub's like, "Oh, they just don't even get back to you." 3 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:19,760 There was just no response when you reached out to them? 4 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:24,960 I think I had one response in five years. 5 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:26,480 Do you remember what the response was? 6 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:40,960 We had to forward the emails in it, like, "Hey, how many times do you think you emai... 7 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:49,280 How many requests did you get?" And I'm like, I could see how many views one of the videos 8 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:55,520 had, and it was over five million, and I'm like, "Great, and how many times have I 9 00:01:11,599 --> 00:01:14,640 Oh, wow, yeah. Audio's good? Yes. 10 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:18,640 Oh, hello? 11 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:21,280 Hey, Mommy Pi, how are you? Good. 12 00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:34,959 I call her Mommy Pi. So, what do you want to say about human trafficking and healing, a... 13 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:37,040 it's affected me? 14 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:49,760 It's affected every aspect of your life, and it's been really hard to sit back and watch 15 00:01:55,760 --> 00:02:04,560 you know, five steps forward, 10 steps back. It's just, it's so hard, because you're so 16 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:10,319 and it's just been devastating for everyone. 17 00:02:10,319 --> 00:02:16,879 I don't know if you can hear me, but I just want to state that 18 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:33,520 You know, we've wanted to just make her better, because, you know, she's our child, 19 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:41,120 and she's our family, but all we can do is be a soft place to land, and just always, 20 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:46,319 you know, try to remind her that she's loved by all of us, and she'll forget, and 21 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:59,840 it's just been really, it's been really, really hard and sad, but we're also just s... 22 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:07,120 for who she is, and in spite of it all, it's just been, it's been tough. 23 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,240 Yeah. 24 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:09,680 Can I ask you a question, Mom? 25 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:26,479 like, change your mind about what had happened, how did it make you feel and thi... 26 00:03:26,479 --> 00:03:34,479 Well, I think at the beginning, none of us could imagine, none of us could put into 27 00:03:40,639 --> 00:03:45,840 your mind, it didn't cross any of our minds, the words human trafficking, they weren't ... 28 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:50,080 just they weren't, it wasn't in our capacity to understand. 29 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:50,639 There's my grandma. 30 00:03:50,639 --> 00:03:51,919 There wasn't vocabulary for it. 31 00:03:51,919 --> 00:03:53,599 That's my grandma in the background, too. 32 00:03:53,599 --> 00:03:54,639 Hi, nanny pie. 33 00:03:54,639 --> 00:04:01,919 And so, that was, that was just, we didn't even consider it, we just thought, 34 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:08,080 Hey, we move on from here. 35 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:13,120 The first second I found out, I just thought, I'm never going to smile again. 36 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,800 I just, it was so sad. 37 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:21,360 And, and that's kind of our logic at the beginning, in the first 24 hours. 38 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:28,399 And then, when we found out it was human trafficking, it was just, it was just sad. 39 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:41,120 take advantage so badly of, of our daughter, and of so many girls. 40 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:45,680 And how rampant it is in the, in the world. 41 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:53,839 That's why we say, we hope that knowing what's happened to me has ruined porn for 42 00:04:53,839 --> 00:04:56,639 Yeah, yeah, totally. 43 00:05:04,319 --> 00:05:11,839 how grateful we are for, for you, and also for your family. 44 00:05:11,839 --> 00:05:17,600 And we feel privileged that you're here today. 45 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:23,839 And like I said earlier, you literally, by definition, are making the world a better 46 00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:25,600 place by being here. 47 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,839 Well, I wish we, I wish none of us had to be here. 48 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:32,319 Of course. 49 00:05:32,319 --> 00:05:38,319 Yeah, but now we get to educate and hopefully ruin porn for a lot more people. 50 00:05:38,319 --> 00:05:39,839 Yep. 51 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:40,639 Break that fantasy. 52 00:05:40,639 --> 00:05:46,480 Yep, because it's just like, there's so many victims, even, you know, and, and I did, 53 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:52,240 I mean, we've all learned so much, you know, I mean, there is a tiny silver lining in 54 00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:02,240 to realize that we have no idea what people are going through. 55 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:04,720 Thank you, mom. 56 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:06,480 I'll call you when we're done. 57 00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:07,439 I love you so much. 58 00:06:07,439 --> 00:06:09,839 Okay, love you. 59 00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:10,240 Bye. 60 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:17,920 I think that's the best message that my whole family has taken away from this. 61 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:21,199 You truly don't know what someone's going through. 62 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:29,680 And whether someone is doing porn voluntarily, like, what have they been 63 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:33,279 Men and women alone are alike. 64 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:35,279 Everyone's craving intimacy. 65 00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:36,720 We're all craving acceptance. 66 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:46,720 And pornography is such a, a false quick fix to, to try to feel something other than wh... 67 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,720 It affects everyone in our society. 68 00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:02,319 You don't know the people that have been in it, what they've been through in their lives, 69 00:07:02,319 --> 00:07:04,000 or if they're there by choice. 70 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:12,480 When I talk to two guys or girls alike, I don't say, are you addicted to porn? 71 00:07:14,639 --> 00:07:18,800 Because so many people have this idea of addiction. 72 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,199 Like, oh, well, I can, I'm not addicted. 73 00:07:21,199 --> 00:07:22,720 I can stop anytime I want. 74 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:30,399 But I, I challenge people to really try to push themselves and heal, 75 00:07:30,399 --> 00:07:38,240 feel intimacy, feel desire or acceptance in other ways. 76 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:39,839 Learn, learn to accept yourself. 77 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:51,040 And the real issue is, do we, do I want me? 78 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:58,639 I haven't been able to really have a healthy relationship because I didn't feel good 79 00:07:58,639 --> 00:07:59,279 for anyone. 80 00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:05,120 I felt so broken and damaged that I just ignored red flags. 81 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:17,839 And when we look internally and find that within ourselves, especially through therapy, 82 00:08:17,839 --> 00:08:22,959 really highly recommending therapy or reading therapeutic books, there's so many different 83 00:08:22,959 --> 00:08:26,240 tools and resources out there that we didn't have before. 84 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:33,279 Like this podcast, like 10 years ago, or 13 years ago, when I was raped, when I was 15, 85 00:08:36,399 --> 00:08:38,879 I didn't know that it was so prevalent. 86 00:08:38,879 --> 00:08:43,200 I wasn't the only one and it didn't make me broken forever. 87 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:46,559 I, I have to remind myself about that constantly now. 88 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:47,759 I'm not broken. 89 00:08:47,759 --> 00:08:49,200 I'm not damaged goods. 90 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:54,399 And if other people want to label me that way, if other people want to 91 00:08:54,399 --> 00:09:02,240 choose to look it up and take part in that human trafficking, whether it's knowingly ... 92 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:14,080 We're all damaged to some point, but we're not damaged goods. 93 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:15,600 We're not broken beyond repair. 94 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:21,039 I'm really grateful that my family is here for me now. 95 00:09:21,039 --> 00:09:24,399 And I finally let them in and let them help. 96 00:09:24,399 --> 00:09:26,080 They're really great. 97 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:32,639 And I was so angry and bitter for years that no one saw through the facade. 98 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:40,879 And then when, when it finally came out, they were like, well, why didn't you tell us? 99 00:09:40,879 --> 00:09:47,039 And I had to really look internally and work through that on my own. 100 00:09:47,039 --> 00:09:52,320 And I still have days where I, I'm like, oh, well, I feel like they're always judging me. 101 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:57,759 I feel like I can't have like close relationships or have a healthy, 102 00:09:57,759 --> 00:10:03,360 romantic relationship because I, I feel like I have to find that self worth within myself. 103 00:10:08,639 --> 00:10:12,000 And I think that's what pornography does for a lot of people. 104 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,039 It's validating. 105 00:10:13,039 --> 00:10:20,480 Um, and they, they feel like it's okay, but you don't know what that person's been 106 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:27,039 You don't know, I'm sure millions of people have watched the video of me 107 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:38,159 And I love that the name of your podcast is consider, consider before consumption. 108 00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:40,000 I think that's so important. 109 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:43,039 It's, it's like with any addiction, there, there's help out there. 110 00:10:43,039 --> 00:10:44,720 There's resources, there's no judgment. 111 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:51,440 And just because you think you might not be addicted to pornography doesn't mean you 112 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:55,600 I really had to learn to not numb and run away anymore. 113 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:07,759 I, I was trying anything I could to not feel. 114 00:11:07,759 --> 00:11:15,440 And working through trauma, working on addiction, working with counselors, it's 115 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:21,440 But it is so much better than living your whole life running from pain. 116 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:24,960 You have, you do have to actually allow yourself permission to feel. 117 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:31,600 I don't think we should feel shameful about wanting to feel numb. 118 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,879 Because I think that's our body naturally. 119 00:11:34,879 --> 00:11:36,480 Yeah, we don't want to feel pain pain. 120 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,000 Yeah, it's a protect. 121 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:38,799 It's a coping mechanism. 122 00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:40,799 Yeah, you don't, you don't want to run towards it. 123 00:11:40,799 --> 00:11:43,039 So we shouldn't feel shameful for that. 124 00:11:43,039 --> 00:11:49,200 I also really like that you talked about how like self love is the foundation of healing. 125 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:54,320 And I just want to state that I hope you are your biggest fan. 126 00:12:00,799 --> 00:12:04,720 But I see even more healing in your future. 127 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:09,039 My mom and I used to say like, we're gonna, we're gonna punch those triggers in the face. 128 00:12:09,039 --> 00:12:15,039 Like someone, a man checking me out at the grocery store or getting a disgusting 129 00:12:15,039 --> 00:12:17,440 harassment message. 130 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:18,799 It happens all the time. 131 00:12:18,799 --> 00:12:21,039 There are constant triggers around us. 132 00:12:21,039 --> 00:12:22,080 Everyone has them. 133 00:12:27,919 --> 00:12:33,039 There were so many different things where immediately I would go into that like figh... 134 00:12:33,039 --> 00:12:37,440 And I freaked out and I used to run from it. 135 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:41,519 And this past year I went to Hawaii with my mom and my grandma. 136 00:12:41,519 --> 00:12:45,120 The year before I was completely suicidal. 137 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,440 I was trying to numb the whole time I was there. 138 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:50,240 I didn't spend a lot of time with my family. 139 00:12:56,639 --> 00:13:02,639 Every trigger was shameful and terrifying and made me feel more broken and damaged. 140 00:13:02,639 --> 00:13:08,159 And this time, last time we went, I had just read something by a therapist. 141 00:13:08,159 --> 00:13:10,960 I don't even remember who it was and I really want to give them the credit. 142 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,720 So I'll have to look into this. 143 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:26,559 Thank your body for reminding you that you have work to do. 144 00:13:26,559 --> 00:13:27,919 We all do. 145 00:13:27,919 --> 00:13:28,559 It's okay." 146 00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:35,600 So I started doing this thing where I laid on the ground and I put one hand on my heart 147 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:39,519 so I could feel my heart beating to remind me that I was here and I was alive. 148 00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:41,440 I put one hand on my stomach 149 00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:44,160 so I could feel my breath and 150 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:49,960 I laid with it and I sat in that pain for a moment. I put like a timer on my phone 151 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,820 I think the first time was 10 minutes because I couldn't bear any more 152 00:13:52,820 --> 00:13:56,280 Wow, and I sat with those triggers and I let myself 153 00:13:56,280 --> 00:14:00,160 feel anger and regret and 154 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:12,600 For just an amount of time that I could handle. I embraced it. I let myself feel t... 155 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,160 it was 156 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:17,640 very uncomfortable and not something that I 157 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:24,540 Enjoyed but the more I do it the easier it gets the better it gets and the less those 158 00:14:24,540 --> 00:14:29,540 Control me. Yeah, you're I think it's on a neurological level 159 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:38,120 It's like you can go from like dreading a trigger to being grateful that your body 160 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:44,440 But because it is a defense mechanism. Yes, you're like re you're saying, okay calm do... 161 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:47,140 I'm in a safe place. Yeah, that's cool 162 00:14:47,140 --> 00:14:50,360 Like my mom said on the phone there have been times where it's been 163 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:55,940 Two steps forward one step back five steps forward ten steps back. It's been a 164 00:14:55,940 --> 00:14:58,860 roller coaster and just having this 165 00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:05,680 be such a constant looming thing and not only the video, but like the ongoing 166 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:14,960 Trials we have we've done so many trials so far and we still have so much to do and 167 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,580 Hopefully one day we can bring him to justice as well 168 00:15:18,580 --> 00:15:29,280 Before I I dreaded it in 2019. I was numbing. I was terrified to feel I wanted to 169 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:33,180 Legally change my name. I wanted to get like a nose job 170 00:15:33,180 --> 00:15:38,560 Die my hair. My hair was brown in the video. My hair will never be all the way brown again 171 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:41,680 It's just one of those things that I have to do for me 172 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:46,759 And I hate that they took that from me. I hate that they 173 00:15:46,759 --> 00:15:50,640 Made me ashamed of my name of my body 174 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:54,200 They took so much and I 175 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:58,500 Was letting them back then I was letting them 176 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:09,040 Somehow I finished nursing school, but even at that time like I couldn't be proud of 177 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:17,880 Dark ugly past that I thought I could never ever move on from I had no hope I I 178 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:23,680 Had I have nieces and nephews that I adore and sometimes even now I have to 179 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:27,759 Picture their faces if I want to hurt myself or I have to snuggle my dog 180 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,560 2019 181 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,240 So now I have 182 00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:43,840 Coping mechanisms that I don't run from I don't try to numb every time I slip up all 183 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:49,259 I still have the self-doubt. I still have the shame. I have I 184 00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:52,960 write poetry and that that's my outlet and some of it's 185 00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:58,320 Dark and I would never show it to anyone, but I let it out 186 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:01,240 instead of burying it and 187 00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:04,940 I 2019 I was terrified 188 00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:11,539 Of who I was I was terrified of talking about what happened I 189 00:17:11,539 --> 00:17:18,079 Let it completely. Yeah, it owned every aspect of me. It was it was always there a 190 00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:21,000 thing I would get 191 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,960 Physically violently ill 192 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:28,400 Anytime I got a disgusting message or a phone call 193 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:35,400 Anytime I was really reminded of the trauma and I still owned it a lot back then 194 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:41,680 I still blamed myself for for being this naive girl and and now we have had some 195 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:51,480 Does offer some like resolution it offers some hope. I think a lot of the girls we a... 196 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:54,840 Incredible group of women 197 00:17:59,559 --> 00:18:04,120 And we'll have nightmares and we'll call each other in the middle of the night and my phone 198 00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:08,320 Ringer is always on for a few of these girls because 199 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:15,240 We can call each other. Hey, I just got this disgusting message. I'm feeling really 200 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:23,160 Incredible having a support system of people that actually understand so many times whe... 201 00:18:27,019 --> 00:18:33,320 You can show empathy and and at the same time absolutely not say that you know what what... 202 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:39,559 Yes, and everyone we all have our own struggles our own trials and like it's not 203 00:18:39,559 --> 00:18:43,240 We don't always know what other people are going through 204 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:51,079 The only thing we can do is be like a listening ear and a soft place to land and... 205 00:18:56,920 --> 00:19:06,000 I'm incredibly grateful for that. I got divorced and that was a healthy thing. It ... 206 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,440 It was toxic 207 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:10,960 So I have I have different support systems than I had then I have 208 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:18,160 Hope for the future I have a willingness to actually change and actually work on thing... 209 00:19:22,039 --> 00:19:28,079 Like in alcohol, right? It's awareness any sort of yes awareness any sort of addiction 210 00:19:28,079 --> 00:19:33,759 You have to first admit you have a problem or like you have a broken leg 211 00:19:33,759 --> 00:19:40,200 You look down at your leg. Oh my gosh. My leg is broken. That's the first step, right an... 212 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:47,200 I like comparing things to medicine because it makes so much sense to me and sometimes... 213 00:19:50,279 --> 00:19:55,039 Gory blistering totally infected wound and 214 00:19:55,039 --> 00:20:01,200 No one else can see it which is really hard. They don't understand my pain. They just s... 215 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:08,200 The ugly part of it. They don't understand how infected it is how how much it's hurti... 216 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:15,360 And and when you're doing things like therapy, it's the next step. It's not just 217 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:24,480 I don't want to hurt anymore, right and I don't want to have this problem and you ca... 218 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:31,720 You can you can die eventually you have to open up the wound you do and it's pain and 219 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:39,400 Yeah, yeah, we call it debridement. It's disgusting and it smells and it's ugly and 220 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,000 healing of any sort 221 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,599 childhood trauma 222 00:20:45,599 --> 00:20:47,640 The video is so 223 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:51,559 Different because I know that it's never going away 224 00:20:51,559 --> 00:21:00,420 But I can get stronger and that's the only way like I I can even survive. I'm terrifi... 225 00:21:00,420 --> 00:21:07,039 I'm terrified one day someone's gonna go up to my kid at school and show them a pictur... 226 00:21:07,039 --> 00:21:09,200 It's just like 227 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:20,360 Gosh, they don't they don't see that the horrible infection and or how much it hurt... 228 00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:25,519 Me running and screaming and fighting. It just looks how 229 00:21:25,519 --> 00:21:31,519 They wanted it to look they edited it they edited it all of it. They they made me re 230 00:21:31,519 --> 00:21:37,680 Redo scenes and and it just kept going until I agreed and at this point. I'm like 231 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:48,900 Because there's always gonna be someone out there that calls me a porn star 232 00:21:48,900 --> 00:21:54,579 And it's always gonna make me sick, but I can I can smile and I can say I 233 00:21:54,579 --> 00:21:58,700 Hope you heal right the haters are loud, but yeah 234 00:21:58,700 --> 00:22:02,900 Yeah, yeah, it's real and when people are judging and hating 235 00:22:09,559 --> 00:22:12,500 Now when I have if I if a boy 236 00:22:12,500 --> 00:22:16,640 Says this is too much for me. I don't I don't judge him. I don't say like 237 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:23,519 Well, what a jerk you are like you're judgmental. I just think like okay. I don'... 238 00:22:23,519 --> 00:22:27,160 You have your own healing to do we all do and I can't 239 00:22:33,460 --> 00:22:40,539 It's hard being transparent and vulnerable with people. You're you're always so scare... 240 00:22:40,539 --> 00:22:47,140 Right, I think everyone's really scared of rejection. We all we want validation and l... 241 00:22:47,140 --> 00:22:50,539 And we say hurt people hurt people. Yeah 242 00:22:50,539 --> 00:22:57,460 And I like even these men that trafficked us. I I have so much anger 243 00:22:58,700 --> 00:23:06,220 But I can't live my whole life like that. I have to let it go at some point and and 244 00:23:06,220 --> 00:23:09,539 It's not at all saying what they did was okay what they did was 245 00:23:09,539 --> 00:23:17,000 Atrocious and it'll never be okay. They ruined lives, but I I don't have to carry ... 246 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,000 I go I can I can let go of 247 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:24,300 Some of that pain I can heal. Yeah, clean out the wound and take those antibiotics 248 00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:35,740 Yeah, the last step of a a if I'm not mistaken. I've never done it, but it's to 249 00:23:35,740 --> 00:23:40,200 Yes, the 12th step is to go help someone else and I think that 250 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:46,360 That is what you're doing today. That's exactly. That's the reason I'm here. That'... 251 00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:49,000 It wasn't my mom 252 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:52,740 She was very very wary of me testifying. She was like 253 00:23:58,519 --> 00:24:05,460 And there is like you can't pour from an empty cup. You do have to make sure you ta... 254 00:24:05,460 --> 00:24:11,740 You help others and I I've made that mistake of spreading myself too thin so many times 255 00:24:11,740 --> 00:24:16,940 But now I've done the work. It's always gonna be work 256 00:24:16,940 --> 00:24:22,180 I'm always going to be healing and that's okay, but I'm still here 257 00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:36,079 But I'm so grateful. I have the career. I have I'm grateful. I get to help people 258 00:24:36,079 --> 00:24:38,079 I'm grateful for the opportunity to be here today 259 00:24:38,079 --> 00:24:41,960 So that we can 260 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,119 Help anyone know like you're not alone 261 00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:46,920 if you're hurting 262 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:50,200 there is hope it might not feel like it in the moment and 263 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,180 sucks and 264 00:24:55,180 --> 00:24:57,700 That's like a really rude awakening sometimes 265 00:24:57,700 --> 00:25:04,579 We want we want everything to be butterflies and rainbows, but there's a lot of shit. Y... 266 00:25:04,579 --> 00:25:10,700 No, it's not fun, but it's okay, and it's worth it. Yep. I'm really excited to testi... 267 00:25:10,700 --> 00:25:13,700 I feel stronger this time 268 00:25:13,700 --> 00:25:19,140 And I I can deal with the harassment. It's not fun 269 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:28,599 but it's better than it was in 2019 and 270 00:25:28,599 --> 00:25:35,680 2025 will be better and hopefully I'll feel whole enough and my couple will be full 271 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:38,039 Look for ways to serve others 272 00:25:38,039 --> 00:25:44,240 That's I'm working on getting my sexual assault nurse examiner license. Wow, and I 273 00:25:49,820 --> 00:25:52,619 Have someone give me a rape kit 274 00:25:52,619 --> 00:25:55,220 That says hey 275 00:25:55,220 --> 00:25:57,420 I'm so sorry. You're hurting I 276 00:25:57,420 --> 00:26:01,059 Have been through trauma too 277 00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:03,340 We don't compare our trauma 278 00:26:03,340 --> 00:26:08,880 And you're gonna hurt and you're not alone and you don't have to be alone 279 00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:11,500 I think when we're hurting we isolate a lot 280 00:26:11,500 --> 00:26:15,259 Wow, I did so much of that and I didn't let anyone in 281 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,940 To hurt them or too afraid of judgment 282 00:26:20,940 --> 00:26:23,780 But it's okay to ask for help 283 00:26:23,780 --> 00:26:25,660 It's okay to let people help you 284 00:26:25,660 --> 00:26:30,519 I think that's a beautiful thing that you want to become us is it referred to as a s... 285 00:26:30,519 --> 00:26:35,200 Yeah, my ultimate I'm I want to get my doctorate in nursing so I'll be a DNP 286 00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:39,740 But I can I can do a lot of volunteering with sexual assault victims 287 00:26:39,740 --> 00:26:43,099 You will literally be able to give trauma-informed care 288 00:26:50,059 --> 00:26:55,019 Yeah, and I think that will give you power to help other people. Yeah, and a very 289 00:26:55,019 --> 00:26:58,360 Twisted way. I'm incredibly grateful. Wow 290 00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:04,920 Some other girls from trial we we were talking the other day and we were it was a 291 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,320 since we put Garcia away and 292 00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:11,619 We were saying I hate what brought us together 293 00:27:17,599 --> 00:27:23,059 Incredible that she can be like oh those nightmares. I had one last week 294 00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:29,680 Let's heal together. It's great. It's so good to have support and 295 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:34,060 To let people support you because we don't have to do it alone 296 00:27:34,060 --> 00:27:36,640 Porn is a lonely thing 297 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:41,240 You sit there alone and you watch it. I am living proof 298 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:51,640 It's not always consensual. I did not consent. I am not a porn star 299 00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:56,040 I was never a porn star no matter how the world may perceive me 300 00:27:56,040 --> 00:28:00,680 I couldn't even say that out loud for a long time because I blamed myself, but I 301 00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:05,940 Was taking an advantage of I was human trafficked and it's not okay 302 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:17,920 But first I want to go back to a point that you just said about how it was not consensual 303 00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:24,040 So I think that that's a big misconception in the world today that if you sign a contract 304 00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:26,600 You are consenting 305 00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:33,400 But the reality is that valid consent can be rescinded at any time and even if you sign... 306 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:44,200 Mm-hmm if they're not able to rescind their consent, it's not true consent. It's coercion 307 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:47,920 I think it's the same thing with rape. Yeah, you can yes 308 00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:53,880 Consensually begin to have sex and if at any point you're done or you say stop 309 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:58,680 If that continues, I would consider that sexual assault 310 00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:10,720 If no is a legitimate option. Oh, I love that and 311 00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:17,660 For you goosebumps. You can't fake those no for you. No was not a legitimate option 312 00:29:17,660 --> 00:29:24,840 So no even though you signed your name on the dotted line under duress by the way. Yeah 313 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:35,440 Yes, that was and I would say that because sorry to interrupt you care 314 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:41,640 Don't finish it off. I just wanted her to emphasize that just because there's a 315 00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:46,960 And that's true even for voluntary porn performers as well. I agree with that full... 316 00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:53,640 And I think that that's why some people are like, oh, well, they agreed to it. They th... 317 00:29:56,960 --> 00:30:05,000 And it's like no, I never got to read a word of that contract. I was completely pressur... 318 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:12,060 I was locked in a room, right? They misrepresented themselves. Absolutely. The... 319 00:30:12,060 --> 00:30:15,800 Yeah, once they yes, we fought that in court completely fraudulent 320 00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:22,280 Yeah, men two men standing right over your shoulders sitting at a desk sign here sign 321 00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:24,120 initial here and 322 00:30:30,019 --> 00:30:36,440 Don't it's gonna get worse. Yeah. Yeah, if you don't you're we're gonna tell everyone 323 00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:43,680 So obviously there've been a lot of things in your life that have gone on since the 324 00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:47,160 You've had trial after trial and now there's even more 325 00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:57,440 For you to briefly have the opportunity to speak about and the girls do porn civil 326 00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:03,720 And what what is the difference between the girls who porn civil lawsuit where you got 327 00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:08,600 We've never seen it. Yeah, and then there was a second trial 328 00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:12,880 That was a civil lawsuit and where there were now 329 00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:18,080 60 Jane Doe's who jumped on and sued the parent company of porn hub 330 00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:32,640 It was just trying to get the ownership rights. It was trying to get them to take ... 331 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:39,740 Like the the things that we found out in discovery that I can't specifically name l... 332 00:31:39,740 --> 00:31:43,840 Money that they made it in their time 333 00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:55,160 They had was just disgusting and then they 334 00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:57,840 Marketed it on all these other websites 335 00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:03,800 Repost it on all these other websites put our personal information down 336 00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,480 So that they would get more 337 00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:12,640 Views so that we would get harassed and it would make them more money 338 00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:21,920 They are literally profiting from trafficking. Yes, and including in the in ... 339 00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:24,720 all of our Jane Doe numbers 340 00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:30,080 were listed online with all of our personal names personal information 341 00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:33,920 That's not something that I'm not okay saying because 342 00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:37,600 It's the internet. You can find whatever you want wherever you want 343 00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:40,640 uh, there was a a website called like 344 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:49,360 posted girls real names and whatever social media they had I deleted 345 00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:51,840 All of my social media for years 346 00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:57,519 I had like this big yoga instagram that I was really proud of and I thought like I'm 347 00:32:57,519 --> 00:33:01,280 I'm sharing like positive messages. It was something I enjoyed 348 00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:06,560 And I went completely dark. I I deleted absolutely everything changed my number 349 00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:09,600 We know that they um, they created fake 350 00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:18,080 And it's it's all in discoveries. I think that this is public knowledge. So I believ... 351 00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:23,519 And they tried to reach out to girls that weren't part of the trial yet to figure ou... 352 00:33:23,519 --> 00:33:25,840 going on 353 00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:30,000 And then girls that were in the trial the way that I even found out about the trial 354 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:34,320 Was from a random message. I had I had just barely created 355 00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:37,680 a facebook page again. I went to a 356 00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:48,160 And there were all these darling women that were like in their late 40s late 50s and that 357 00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:55,360 Uh generation they love facebook and I was like, oh, I'm terrified to go back on soci... 358 00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:59,920 And I did it just so that I could stay in touch with these women and I was grateful ... 359 00:33:59,920 --> 00:34:03,600 And I got this message from an unknown account named Liam 360 00:34:10,079 --> 00:34:12,320 victims 361 00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:13,599 um 362 00:34:13,599 --> 00:34:18,240 Kerry Goldberg was uh, a new york attorney. She's the one that got in touch with brian 363 00:34:18,240 --> 00:34:21,039 And helped us start this whole thing 364 00:34:21,039 --> 00:34:24,480 Um, she was great when I did actually contact her 365 00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:29,440 But he was telling me about the case so that he could try to figure out what was going on 366 00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:41,280 I really care about what happened to you and I and I talked to this girl and this girl 367 00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:45,840 And told them to join the case and like in the end it ended up benefiting me 368 00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:49,280 um getting in touch with them, but it was 369 00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:54,880 Them trying to catfish us. Wow. Yeah, it was pretty disgusting and then 370 00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:59,039 This is just something i'm gonna keep having to deal with and it was years 371 00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:10,800 You know because they started exploiting women in was it 2014? 372 00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:15,840 I think it was actually 2011 because it happened to a girl that I went to high sch... 373 00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:21,760 Really when she was 18 and later I found we found out. Oh my gosh. It's the same peopl... 374 00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:23,920 well, that's 375 00:35:30,559 --> 00:35:36,559 And the decision was handed down in january 2020. Yes, I was part of the first lawsuit... 376 00:35:36,559 --> 00:35:42,240 They had two different groups of girls like originally. I think it was like 11 of us 377 00:35:42,240 --> 00:35:45,519 And it had already been going on for a solid year 378 00:35:45,519 --> 00:35:52,960 before I even found out about it and joined and um by the time I did they're like, oh 379 00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:00,400 and then um, eventually 380 00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:04,880 With the porn hub the mind geek lawsuit. We had 60 girls 381 00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:07,519 Yeah, and that was filed in 382 00:36:07,519 --> 00:36:09,920 december 383 00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:11,280 2020 384 00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:13,920 And yeah, we didn't even find out until 385 00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:16,000 the fall 386 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:22,240 Yep, what was happening with that? I I feel like everything that has gone on with cour... 387 00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:28,559 before finally agreeing to plead guilty 388 00:36:28,559 --> 00:36:30,320 and 389 00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:31,680 he um 390 00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:37,440 This is something I can say the judge uh rejected the original plea deal. They want... 391 00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:40,000 a maximum of 13 years 392 00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:46,800 And she said absolutely not and that was going to be the only way that he was going... 393 00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:49,840 He did take the new plea deal. So we will 394 00:36:52,480 --> 00:37:02,400 Give our trial statements again with the same judge and I was really impressed by that 395 00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,960 Garcia's um 396 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:06,960 during his trial she 397 00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:11,039 Was incredible. They wanted to give him less time the 398 00:37:11,039 --> 00:37:15,280 his attorney kept kept saying he's not a rapist like 399 00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:20,159 uh, because every girl when we when we talked about our testimonies, we were like 400 00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:26,559 When I was raped, right? Because that's how we all consider it. It was non-consensual 401 00:37:26,559 --> 00:37:32,559 And and his his attorney got very defensive about that and the girls and I are all jus... 402 00:37:32,559 --> 00:37:35,280 Like what and getting getting just riled up 403 00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:38,159 And he's a registered sex offender for life 404 00:37:38,159 --> 00:37:41,119 Why would you be a russers sex offender if 405 00:37:41,119 --> 00:37:44,079 Yeah, it was uh, there were parts of that 406 00:37:44,079 --> 00:37:46,960 entire experience that were extremely 407 00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:59,840 She told us all it's public knowledge the court documents. She told us all 408 00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:07,680 How emotional the case was and and how it was a really difficult one for her and I just 409 00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:12,400 Her compassion during that. I I'm really grateful that she's taking on more 410 00:38:19,519 --> 00:38:22,880 I know they're trying to expedite it but normally we don't 411 00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:27,440 Know when something is happening, uh during my entire 412 00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:30,320 20 months of nursing school 413 00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:35,360 Every month I I had to like go to the administration and say like hey, I might h... 414 00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:40,480 During this FBI trial, we don't know when it's going to be and then it kept getting 415 00:38:46,079 --> 00:38:48,480 I was lying about it and oh, I found her video 416 00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:50,720 I I think she's just a porn star and 417 00:38:50,720 --> 00:38:55,199 And lying and embarrassed and I'm like it's a it's a freaking FBI trial 418 00:38:55,199 --> 00:38:57,840 But there wasn't any proof yet 419 00:38:57,840 --> 00:39:00,079 Uh, and now that there's proof 420 00:39:00,079 --> 00:39:02,559 It's like people 421 00:39:02,559 --> 00:39:05,360 Want to talk about it. It was just on 422 00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:09,440 NBC yesterday two of the girls talked about it. Um 423 00:39:12,159 --> 00:39:15,119 one or two girls talking because 424 00:39:15,119 --> 00:39:18,480 I I don't think it's fair to speak for everyone 425 00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:21,440 I think it's fair to say we've all been through immense trauma 426 00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:24,960 We're all hurting. We're all affected by this forever 427 00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:29,840 But i'm not going to compare my trauma to someone else's and say what I went through 428 00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:33,440 Uh, because I didn't know what I was going out for or 429 00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:35,360 someone was 430 00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:37,360 18 instead of 22 or 431 00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:44,960 convoluted and and inappropriate. So I think when you 432 00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:47,920 Lump all of the Jane does 433 00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:50,079 Together it's not fair 434 00:39:50,079 --> 00:39:52,079 And that's what the media is doing right now 435 00:39:52,079 --> 00:39:55,119 It's uh triggering it's 436 00:39:55,119 --> 00:40:03,519 Kind of disgusting because it's just encouraging more harassment. Everyone's 437 00:40:03,519 --> 00:40:07,039 Media attention. It's like the more publicity the worse it is 438 00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:14,159 Uh, but the the most that we can do is keep trying to fight. I'll definitely be 439 00:40:14,159 --> 00:40:16,079 um 440 00:40:16,079 --> 00:40:18,640 I I didn't feel a strong last time, but I did it 441 00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,360 the day after 442 00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:23,039 We testified 443 00:40:23,039 --> 00:40:25,039 A bunch of girls and I went to the beach 444 00:40:25,039 --> 00:40:29,680 And I think that that is one of my very favorite days of my life 445 00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:33,680 Because we had this moment of just like peace 446 00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:36,240 knowing that 447 00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:42,559 Unbreakable a bond that you never want to have with someone 448 00:40:42,559 --> 00:40:50,720 But we finally had someone that could connect. So we look for ways that we can 449 00:40:50,720 --> 00:40:57,119 That so many trauma victims don't get to have I've been incredibly grateful for I've had 450 00:40:57,119 --> 00:40:59,760 Really incredible friendships 451 00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:02,720 We're always worried about about someone spiraling and hating 452 00:40:59,119 --> 00:41:05,059 We're always worried about about someone spiraling and hey, how can we reach out? H... 453 00:41:05,059 --> 00:41:12,539 And hey, I'm triggered. Are you triggered? I had a phone call with a few of them last 454 00:41:12,539 --> 00:41:15,360 Wolf plea deal and we're all like. Oh 455 00:41:22,579 --> 00:41:27,319 How are you doing and we were able to chat and just validate each other or make sure? 456 00:41:27,319 --> 00:41:31,519 We're okay. I fell asleep on speakerphone with my best friend last night because I 457 00:41:31,519 --> 00:41:37,360 We were both worried to sleep alone and we both had our dogs. Thank goodness, but we'... 458 00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:38,460 And we were like, okay 459 00:41:38,460 --> 00:41:43,579 Just leave your phone on speaker and like the ringtones always on if we need it. So I 460 00:41:48,900 --> 00:41:53,519 I feel like it's never going to be over, right? I feel like there's always going to... 461 00:41:53,519 --> 00:41:58,059 and people like there are some people that are trying to monetize 462 00:41:58,059 --> 00:42:01,179 again off of us 463 00:42:01,179 --> 00:42:06,279 Whether it's people that act like they're supporting it or 464 00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:18,819 everyone lumping you 465 00:42:18,819 --> 00:42:20,819 Saying oh all the GDP girls 466 00:42:20,819 --> 00:42:23,860 Each each survivor deserves 467 00:42:23,860 --> 00:42:30,539 The nuance like a nuance conversation about what they experience, right? I agree with 468 00:42:30,539 --> 00:42:34,279 And yeah, it's really difficult when people 469 00:42:34,279 --> 00:42:36,819 compare us 470 00:42:42,239 --> 00:42:44,239 It's definitely a triggering word 471 00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:49,039 So it was like difficult dealing with their attorneys all different laws 472 00:42:49,039 --> 00:42:52,299 But I am grateful that we can talk about it like yeah 473 00:42:52,299 --> 00:42:59,279 Porn hub having a download button not verifying people and some of the girls wit... 474 00:42:59,279 --> 00:43:03,119 17 when they were groomed well, they they certainly got 475 00:43:03,119 --> 00:43:05,960 Michael Pratt. He is um 476 00:43:09,639 --> 00:43:16,699 The court documents say that she was 16 when she was flown out to San Diego at least on... 477 00:43:16,699 --> 00:43:19,619 And so he's on the run for yeah 478 00:43:19,619 --> 00:43:23,719 Conspiracy to commit sex trafficking trafficking as well as child pornography 479 00:43:23,719 --> 00:43:26,299 So did did the porn have lawsuit? 480 00:43:26,299 --> 00:43:33,980 Did it feel like a win at all because I mean no end up settling and it was a 10-month 481 00:43:40,159 --> 00:43:42,559 Did that feel like a win? 482 00:43:42,559 --> 00:43:44,920 No, I didn't I feel like 483 00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:50,279 The very words settle it's like oh 484 00:43:50,279 --> 00:43:57,659 That that sounds better than actually working for something. I really want like we settl... 485 00:43:57,659 --> 00:44:00,000 so what we can say is 486 00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:03,579 the original girls do porn lawsuit was 487 00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:11,279 Pretty much 11 years in the making. Yes, and then this porn hub lawsuit was 10 months long 488 00:44:11,279 --> 00:44:13,699 Yes, and that 489 00:44:13,699 --> 00:44:15,779 was not necessarily 490 00:44:15,779 --> 00:44:21,340 Something that you're happy about how quick it was personally. No, I don't think that 491 00:44:21,340 --> 00:44:24,139 I 492 00:44:24,139 --> 00:44:26,579 Don't I don't think that that was justice. I think 493 00:44:26,579 --> 00:44:29,219 porn hub was incredibly 494 00:44:29,219 --> 00:44:32,019 complicit I 495 00:44:38,380 --> 00:44:43,739 Are a horrible company and it's one of the most well-known 496 00:44:43,739 --> 00:44:47,639 websites in the entire world 497 00:44:47,639 --> 00:44:50,500 so I'm 498 00:44:50,500 --> 00:44:57,859 Extremely anti porn and extremely anti porn hub. They they disgust me. I think that they 499 00:45:07,299 --> 00:45:12,219 No one listened and then it just gets reposted with my name and 500 00:45:12,219 --> 00:45:16,579 Pornhub's like oh, they don't even get back to you 501 00:45:16,579 --> 00:45:21,980 There was just no response when you reached out to them. I think I had one response in 502 00:45:21,980 --> 00:45:26,259 Five years do you remember what the response was? 503 00:45:33,819 --> 00:45:40,619 We had to forward the emails and like hey, how many times do you think you emailed them? 504 00:45:40,619 --> 00:45:43,539 How how many requests did you get and I'm like I? 505 00:45:43,539 --> 00:45:47,139 Could could see how many views 506 00:45:47,139 --> 00:45:52,460 One of the videos had and it was over five million and I'm like great 507 00:45:57,779 --> 00:46:04,819 Irresponsible porn hub is and the lack of moderation absolutely that they have there... 508 00:46:04,819 --> 00:46:11,019 Content that's being uploaded to that site. There's no way to have enough moderators to 509 00:46:11,019 --> 00:46:16,420 Review this content absolutely and the amount of revenge porn that they have on there 510 00:46:16,420 --> 00:46:19,859 That's ruined high school girls lives. How many people have committed suicide? 511 00:46:23,579 --> 00:46:30,380 Don't even know what number in the three hundreds and they still went on for years 512 00:46:30,380 --> 00:46:35,579 I think it was over. What do you mean? Would you elaborate on that? I didn't catch what... 513 00:46:35,579 --> 00:46:37,579 episode oh 514 00:46:37,579 --> 00:46:42,539 Oh of girls porn. Yeah, they did this - I want to say I don't know the exact number 515 00:46:42,539 --> 00:46:48,699 I want to say it was over 500 women. Okay, and it was at least 400. Yes, I know this ... 516 00:46:52,179 --> 00:46:56,859 That's on porn hub 517 00:46:56,859 --> 00:46:59,779 Top 10 recommended 518 00:46:59,779 --> 00:47:08,340 So how many lives have they ruined and I've been complicit in ruining and and charging 519 00:47:08,340 --> 00:47:12,699 Think like that the truth needs to be told more about that and 520 00:47:12,699 --> 00:47:17,380 Lives need to stop being ruined because people are greedy 521 00:47:22,980 --> 00:47:30,219 Damages the money and more about holding the site accountable for what they were profit... 522 00:47:30,219 --> 00:47:33,840 Yes, I do agree with that. I'm grateful that 523 00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:37,259 people like Visa and Mastercard stopped 524 00:47:37,259 --> 00:47:46,500 Promoting and processing processing and accepting them when they realized how 525 00:47:52,259 --> 00:47:56,940 What about with Teddy the cameraman Teddy was the cameraman in my? 526 00:47:56,940 --> 00:48:00,059 Personal video. I don't 527 00:48:00,059 --> 00:48:07,019 He hasn't gone through trial yet. No, but he's pled guilty. He has pled guilty and h... 528 00:48:07,019 --> 00:48:11,340 He yeah, he picked he was one that picked me up in the escalade locked the doors 529 00:48:16,900 --> 00:48:23,779 At the at the end they wanted to film a shower scene and told me to blow the camer... 530 00:48:23,779 --> 00:48:26,779 Just about threw up right then and there 531 00:48:26,779 --> 00:48:33,980 I was like get out of here and as soon as he walked out with the camera. I locked the door 532 00:48:33,980 --> 00:48:39,099 But I think it's so important for people to know like it wasn't just 533 00:48:45,259 --> 00:48:47,219 raped 534 00:48:47,219 --> 00:48:48,619 groped 535 00:48:48,619 --> 00:48:52,099 beaten up drugged all these different things off of the camera 536 00:48:52,099 --> 00:48:55,859 They would say things like oh, I just want to warm you up or 537 00:48:55,859 --> 00:49:04,980 Trust me. You'll really like it or the next day. I'm trying to like convince a girl th... 538 00:49:04,980 --> 00:49:08,940 everything that actually happened during the videos he was so 539 00:49:10,500 --> 00:49:12,500 manipulative and aggressive and 540 00:49:12,500 --> 00:49:18,980 Violent he was very violent and I'm really grateful that we saw justice for him. I I 541 00:49:18,980 --> 00:49:22,099 Not everyone was happy with that 542 00:49:22,099 --> 00:49:23,340 outcome 543 00:49:23,340 --> 00:49:25,980 In the end though like there was some justice 544 00:49:25,980 --> 00:49:29,300 Done like I'm glad he can't hurt people right now 545 00:49:29,300 --> 00:49:32,699 And I think that's all we can 546 00:49:32,699 --> 00:49:35,139 Really be grateful for at this moment 547 00:49:41,980 --> 00:49:46,880 But like what's driving that people are getting addicted to pornography 548 00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:53,460 and then they're trying to go get it in person and the girls keep getting younger ... 549 00:49:53,460 --> 00:50:00,539 Then they're forced into it. It's not just actors and who knows what everyone's been 550 00:50:00,539 --> 00:50:02,539 But we have to stop the demand 551 00:50:07,059 --> 00:50:13,940 Girl next door would never do this hasn't haven't done this before that's why they m... 552 00:50:13,940 --> 00:50:17,619 Do the interview at the beginning and they coach you on what to say 553 00:50:17,619 --> 00:50:20,699 They I don't even know how many times they refilmed mine 554 00:50:20,699 --> 00:50:25,859 They're like bite your lip a little or whatever and it just kept going until you 555 00:50:25,859 --> 00:50:30,099 And so I don't think a single interview at any 556 00:50:33,460 --> 00:50:39,920 So many people were like, oh, I found out a lot about you and I'm like actually you 557 00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:43,059 Do you have any 558 00:50:43,059 --> 00:50:48,259 Advice for other survivors of sexual abuse or sex trafficking? 559 00:50:48,259 --> 00:50:51,619 Tell someone I 560 00:50:51,619 --> 00:50:53,859 can get help I 561 00:50:53,859 --> 00:50:56,699 regret not going 562 00:50:56,699 --> 00:50:58,699 to the police when I was 15 I 563 00:51:06,739 --> 00:51:08,980 I didn't even tell my family for years 564 00:51:08,980 --> 00:51:11,899 Because I didn't want anyone to think differently 565 00:51:11,899 --> 00:51:17,699 So sticking to your gun sticking up for yourself knowing your worth is huge 566 00:51:17,699 --> 00:51:25,899 When when this whole video came out, I thought I had no worth. I thought oh, it 567 00:51:25,899 --> 00:51:28,099 I 568 00:51:33,940 --> 00:51:40,420 How could anyone ever do that? They're hurting so many other people and then bein... 569 00:51:40,420 --> 00:51:48,340 Mindset, which I I've attempted. I don't know four or five times now and while I was in 570 00:51:48,340 --> 00:51:53,739 I thought this is the most selfless loving thing I can do for my family. They are 571 00:51:58,019 --> 00:52:04,259 To to stop all this pain to never hurt them again never have them feel shame 572 00:52:04,259 --> 00:52:12,019 From me, I'm gonna lighten their that's how you framed it. Yeah, and I think I think o... 573 00:52:12,019 --> 00:52:16,019 Yeah, I had a cousin accident accidentally OD on 574 00:52:16,019 --> 00:52:21,019 Xanax he we didn't realize if it was suicide or not 575 00:52:28,059 --> 00:52:31,960 I didn't grow up with him. I didn't I didn't know him super super well, but I was 576 00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:39,300 Destroyed by it. Yeah, and I was like how why didn't I know he was hurting? Yeah, why 577 00:52:39,300 --> 00:52:41,300 Why didn't I try to help? 578 00:52:41,300 --> 00:52:42,859 I 579 00:52:42,859 --> 00:52:48,819 Don't think of it as a selfish thing anymore. I think of it as it's such a lonely 580 00:52:56,059 --> 00:53:01,460 Yeah, yeah, empathy for those who are victims of suicide. Yeah, I that's yeah 581 00:53:01,460 --> 00:53:04,779 I think it gives you a much different mindset, but 582 00:53:04,779 --> 00:53:14,099 I think we just have to reach out and ask for help and that there are so many resources ... 583 00:53:14,099 --> 00:53:16,699 and I was I 584 00:53:22,119 --> 00:53:29,619 Yeah, and I was worried about being judged by it. There's like the suicide hotline. Ther... 585 00:53:29,619 --> 00:53:32,460 Going to a family member or a friend 586 00:53:32,460 --> 00:53:39,819 There are so many you can go to the hospital like I've I've literally admitted myself 587 00:53:39,819 --> 00:53:42,859 I haven't done anything yet, but I'm going to hurt myself 588 00:53:49,380 --> 00:53:53,619 I couldn't sleep because I was having nightmares and it was making me delirious and 589 00:53:53,619 --> 00:53:57,739 just out of my mind with grief and it 590 00:53:57,739 --> 00:54:01,579 Like healthy sleep hygiene is one of the most important things 591 00:54:01,579 --> 00:54:08,659 Try therapy get a dog like don't think that you're broken. Don't think that your life 592 00:54:18,300 --> 00:54:21,739 personalities and that's what makes us beautiful and I 593 00:54:21,739 --> 00:54:24,380 think just 594 00:54:24,380 --> 00:54:26,619 Consciously going about your day thinking okay 595 00:54:26,619 --> 00:54:30,139 Someone else might be hurting. I'm not the only one 596 00:54:30,139 --> 00:54:37,739 There's no shame in asking for help and taking the steps to actually heal and know... 597 00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:21,800 Even if it's really, really hard to see them, my mom's helped me see it. My job has help... 598 00:55:21,800 --> 00:55:22,800 That's cool. 599 00:55:37,800 --> 00:55:42,800 This was not nearly as scary as I thought it would be. 600 00:55:42,800 --> 00:55:43,800 Really? Cool. 601 00:55:43,800 --> 00:55:45,800 Yeah. Thank you so much. 602 00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:18,800 Help keep this podcast going by donating to Consider Before Consuming today at 603 00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:42,800 Fight the New Drug is a non-religious and non-legislative organization that exists t... 604 00:56:48,800 --> 00:56:54,800 If you've enjoyed listening to Consider Before Consuming, consider subscribing and 605 00:56:54,800 --> 00:57:06,800 Again, big thanks to you for listening to this conversation. As you go about your da...