1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Okay. It's been a little while. It's been a little while since I've been here and a couple of things have happened in that time. 2 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:11,000 I'd like to talk a little bit about the war in the Persian Gulf. 3 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:16,000 Big doings in the Persian Gulf. You know my favorite part of that war? 4 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:20,000 It's the first war we ever had that was on every channel plus cable. 5 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:24,000 And the war got good ratings too, didn't it? Got good ratings. 6 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:29,000 Well, we like war. We like war. We're a warlike people. 7 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:33,000 We like war because we're good at it. And you know why we're good at it? 8 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:40,000 Because we get a lot of practice. This country's only 200 years old and already we've had 10 major wars. 9 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:45,000 We average a major war every 20 years in this country. So we're good at it. 10 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:49,000 And it's a good thing we are. We're not very good at anything else anymore. 11 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:55,000 Can't build a decent car. Can't make a TV set or a VCR worth the fuck. 12 00:00:55,000 --> 00:01:01,000 Got no steel industry left. Can't educate our young people. Can't get health care to our old people. 13 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:05,000 But we can bomb the shit out of your country, alright? Huh? 14 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:08,000 We can bomb the shit out of your country, alright? 15 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:15,000 Especially if your country is full of brown people. 16 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:19,000 Oh, we like that, don't we? That's our hobby. 17 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:23,000 That's our new job in the world. Bombing brown people. 18 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:30,000 Iraq, Panama, Grenada, Libya. You got some brown people in your country. Tell them to watch the fuck out. 19 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:33,000 Or we'll goddamn bomb them. 20 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:38,000 Well, when's the last white people you can remember that we bombed? Can you remember the last white... 21 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:42,000 Can you remember any white people we've ever bombed? The Germans, those are the only ones. 22 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:47,000 And that's only because they were trying to cut in on our action. 23 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:57,000 They wanted to dominate the world. Bullshit! That's our fucking job! That's our fucking job! 24 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:09,000 Now we only bomb brown people. Not because they're trying to cut in on our action. Just because they're brown. 25 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:15,000 Now you've probably noticed, I don't feel about that war. The way we were told we were supposed to feel about that war. 26 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:20,000 The way we were ordered and instructed by the United States government to feel about that war. 27 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:25,000 You see, I tell you, my mind doesn't work that way. 28 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:30,000 I got this real moron thing I do. It's called thinking. 29 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:35,000 And I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. 30 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:39,000 I don't just roll over when I'm told to. 31 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:44,000 Sad to say, most Americans just roll over on command. Not me. 32 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:53,000 I have certain rules I live by. My first rule, I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. 33 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:56,000 Zero. 34 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,000 Nope. 35 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:08,000 And I don't take very seriously the media or the press in this country, who in the case of the Persian Gulf War were nothing more than unpaid employees of the Department of Defense. 36 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:15,000 And who most of the time, most of the time function as kind of an unofficial public relations agency for the United States government. 37 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,000 So I don't listen to them. I don't really believe in my country. 38 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:24,000 And I got to tell you folks, I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. 39 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:31,000 I consider them, I consider them to be symbols and I leave symbols to the symbol minded. 40 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:39,000 Me, I look at war a little bit differently. To me, war is a lot of prick waving. Okay? 41 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:45,000 Simple thing, that's all it is. War is a whole lot of men standing out in the field waving their pricks at one another. 42 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:52,000 Men are insecure about the size of their dicks and so they have to kill one another over the idea. 43 00:03:52,000 --> 00:04:00,000 That's what all that asshole jock bullshit is all about. 44 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:07,000 That's what all that adolescent macho male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. 45 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,000 It's called dick fear. 46 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:17,000 Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another to feel better about themselves. 47 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:23,000 And since war is the ultimate competition, basically men are killing each other in order to improve their self esteem. 48 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:31,000 You don't have to be a historian or a political scientist to see the bigger dick foreign policy theory at work. 49 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:38,000 It sounds like this. What? They have bigger dicks? Bomb them! 50 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:44,000 And of course the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. 51 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:50,000 It's a subconscious need to project the penis into other people's affairs. 52 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:54,000 It's called fucking with people! 53 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:11,000 So, as far as I'm concerned, that whole thing in the Persian Gulf was nothing more than a big prick-waving dick fight. 54 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:17,000 In this particular case, Saddam Hussein had questioned the size of George Bush's dick. 55 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,000 And George Bush has been called a wimp for so long. 56 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:23,000 Wimp rhymes with limp. 57 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:31,000 George has been called a wimp for so long that he has to act out his manhood fantasies by sending other people's children to die. 58 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:35,000 Even the name Bush... 59 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:41,000 Even the name Bush is related to the genitals without being the genitals. 60 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:47,000 A bush is a sort of passive secondary sex characteristic. 61 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:51,000 Now, if this man's name had been George Boner... 62 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:57,000 Well, he might have felt a little bit better about himself and we wouldn't have had any trouble over there in the first place. 63 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,000 This whole country has a manhood problem. 64 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,000 Big manhood problem in the USA. 65 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,000 You can tell from the language we use. 66 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,000 Language always gives you way. 67 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,000 What did we do wrong in Vietnam? 68 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,000 We pulled out. 69 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,000 Huh? Not a very manly thing to do, is it? 70 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:16,000 When you're fucking people, you gotta stay in there and fuck them good. 71 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,000 Fuck them all the way. 72 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,000 Fuck them till the end. 73 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,000 Fuck them to death. 74 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,000 Fuck them to death. 75 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,000 Fuck them to death. 76 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,000 Fuck them to death. 77 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:30,000 Stay in there and keep fucking them until they're all dead. 78 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:37,000 We left a few women and children alive in Vietnam and we haven't felt good about ourselves since. 79 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:42,000 That's why in the Persian Gulf, George Bush had to say, this will not be another Vietnam. 80 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,000 He actually used these words. 81 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:48,000 He said, this time we're going all the way. 82 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:55,000 Imagine an American president using the sexual slang of a 13 year old to describe his foreign policy. 83 00:06:55,000 --> 00:07:04,000 If you want to know what happened in the Persian Gulf, just remember the names of the two men who were running that war. 84 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:07,000 Dick Cheney and Colin Powell. 85 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:10,000 Somebody got fucked in the ass.