1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,340 Dumb and Dumber 2 opens tomorrow. 2 00:00:01,440 --> 00:00:02,940 Please say hello to Jim Carrey. 3 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:59,980 We'll see you next time. 4 00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:01,600 David Letterman doesn't know. 5 00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:02,180 We don't know. 6 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:05,300 All the comics and show business don't know what this is. 7 00:01:06,780 --> 00:01:07,280 Right? 8 00:01:07,580 --> 00:01:08,020 Yeah. 9 00:01:08,140 --> 00:01:08,740 What is it? 10 00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:09,760 Come on, Jimmy. 11 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:10,920 Seriously. 12 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:12,120 The time is up. 13 00:01:12,340 --> 00:01:13,940 People are hip to this kind of stuff. 14 00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:16,820 I'm here tonight to blow the lid off it, 15 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:18,380 to be the whistleblower. 16 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,960 I'm sick and tired of the secrets and the lies. 17 00:01:21,220 --> 00:01:24,040 It is the secret symbol of the Luminati, 18 00:01:24,420 --> 00:01:26,620 and you're a part of it. 19 00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:30,100 And it is the all-mocking tongue. 20 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:32,160 Oh. 21 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:33,900 I like it. 22 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:39,280 It's the symbol of the all-mocking tongue. 23 00:01:39,540 --> 00:01:40,840 And I'm sick of it. 24 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:43,520 I want everybody to be in on the joke, man. 25 00:01:43,580 --> 00:01:44,160 You know what I mean? 26 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:48,280 For years now, talk show hosts, people on television, 27 00:01:48,420 --> 00:01:51,060 people in sitcoms have been hired by the government 28 00:01:51,060 --> 00:01:55,060 to throw you off the track, to distract you, 29 00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:56,680 to make you laugh, and stuff like that, 30 00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:58,000 make you happy and docile, 31 00:01:58,140 --> 00:02:00,380 so you don't know what's really going on. 32 00:02:00,540 --> 00:02:01,100 You know? 33 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:03,840 And they get out there in the woods in a circle, naked, 34 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:05,500 and they decide these things, 35 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,320 and, you know, and look at them. 36 00:02:08,380 --> 00:02:10,580 Look at them trying to, look at them trying to come it up. 37 00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:11,740 It's hilarious. 38 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:12,840 Hilarious. 39 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:14,500 And, you know, and I'm sick of, 40 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:15,320 hold on a second. 41 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,100 You know what they're trying to do? 42 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:17,400 Who? 43 00:02:17,580 --> 00:02:18,380 This thing is buzzing. 44 00:02:18,540 --> 00:02:18,840 Hold on. 45 00:02:19,020 --> 00:02:20,960 They're trying to turn us into, you know, 46 00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:24,740 you know, consumer drones of some sort. 47 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:25,000 Hold on. 48 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:25,860 I just got to get this. 49 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:26,480 Yeah. 50 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:29,720 Yeah, listen, I'm in the middle of blowing 51 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:31,760 the lid off some of my... 52 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:36,660 What happened? 53 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:37,660 I'm sorry, Jimmy. 54 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:42,600 I was temporarily interrupted by my iPhone 6 Plus. 55 00:02:49,940 --> 00:02:52,420 That's a 5.5. 56 00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:54,340 That's a big one, huh? 57 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:57,780 5.5 heads-up HD display. 58 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:01,340 I think what I was really trying to say 59 00:03:01,340 --> 00:03:04,600 was I think people will enjoy Dumb and Dumber this weekend. 60 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:07,360 And that is what I thought you knew about this week. 61 00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:12,700 They should all go to the theater. 62 00:03:13,420 --> 00:03:15,880 They should all go to the theater tomorrow and see it. 63 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:16,340 And they should. 64 00:03:16,340 --> 00:03:17,880 Because we could use a good laugh. 65 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:19,440 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. 66 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:30,160 Hi, I'm Jimmy Kimmel. 67 00:03:30,260 --> 00:03:32,920 Did you know there are things other than pornography on the Internet? 68 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:35,700 Watch them on the Jimmy Kimmel Live YouTube channel, 69 00:03:35,980 --> 00:03:38,880 which, much like your own body, I encourage you to explore.