1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,460
How much meth would you have to take to become that badly damaged by it?

2
00:00:03,580 --> 00:00:08,600
Well, crystal meth, it has, it's basically poison and it affected my nervous system.

3
00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:10,660
You took so much meth, it affected your nervous system?

4
00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:21,020
Yeah, it affected your nervous system and I have like movements and I have like jaw movements that is acting up in my body.

5
00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:24,540
Crystal meth, what happens is it deteriorates your teeth, right?

6
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:25,600
Can you show us your teeth?

7
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:29,860
It rottens up your teeth and it gets, it actually just tears them all up.

8
00:00:29,860 --> 00:00:30,940
See? Tears them all up.

9
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:32,480
See? Tears them all up.

10
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:40,880
I was in Fresno, California on the trail of the world's most abused hard drug.

11
00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:47,000
You're up so high, you're spinning like a kite, you're biting your teeth, you're grinding because you don't even know what your body's doing.

12
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:50,700
Your eyes are going 100 miles an hour in every direction.

13
00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:51,280
What is it?

14
00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:51,980
Crystal meth.

15
00:00:52,780 --> 00:00:55,940
Methamphetamine or crystal meth is a derivative of speed.

16
00:00:56,540 --> 00:01:00,020
Cheap and easy to produce, it can be devastating for those who get addicted.

17
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:02,120
Face the other way, face away from me.

18
00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:06,320
I hate not, I hate not being clean, but I hate being clean.

19
00:01:07,060 --> 00:01:09,840
You know, I'm messed up by using again.

20
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:15,100
I was hoping to understand the hold the drug exerts over its users.

21
00:01:15,100 --> 00:01:19,880
By spending time in the world of the hardcore addicts.

22
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:21,080
Does it look tempting, Louis?

23
00:01:22,660 --> 00:01:23,100
Huh?

24
00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:24,620
Does it look tempting?

25
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:31,920
And so I'd come to one of the worst affected areas in America.

26
00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:45,740
On the front line of Fresno's meth problem are the city police.

27
00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:46,660
Copy, 2-7-11.

28
00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:49,020
Where are we now?

29
00:01:49,420 --> 00:01:51,340
Pretty much exactly downtown Fresno.

30
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,320
How much of the crime you see is meth-related?

31
00:01:55,540 --> 00:01:56,580
Half or maybe even more.

32
00:01:56,580 --> 00:02:00,980
Everybody knows somebody that's got a family or member or friend or relative

33
00:02:00,980 --> 00:02:03,880
that somehow has been impacted by narcotics.

34
00:02:04,060 --> 00:02:11,580
Everything from domestic violence, child abuse, property crimes, theft, vehicle burglaries.

35
00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:19,360
A lot of activity here.

36
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:20,800
In fact, this one's now vacant.

37
00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:22,160
This one's now vacant.

38
00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:24,140
Gang activity, drugs.

39
00:02:24,140 --> 00:02:25,700
We had a shooting here.

40
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:27,200
We had a stabbing here.

41
00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:29,780
One of the first spots we hit,

42
00:02:30,140 --> 00:02:32,920
an apartment belonging to the sister of a suspected dealer

43
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,540
in a complex that was well known to the police.

44
00:02:35,540 --> 00:02:39,140
OK, you guys come in.

45
00:02:39,940 --> 00:02:40,460
Thank you.

46
00:02:42,540 --> 00:02:48,380
It's quite rough in here, isn't it?

47
00:02:48,380 --> 00:02:51,720
This is typical for a drug house.

48
00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:57,660
Drug, addiction, users that come around, people dealing out of here.

49
00:02:58,500 --> 00:02:59,740
I think it's just the people that come.

50
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:05,820
She's just vulnerable to them and lets them in and then they start either using here.

51
00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:08,680
What's sad is I think there are kids living here too, aren't there?

52
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:10,020
Yes, three kids.

53
00:03:10,260 --> 00:03:10,820
Three kids?

54
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,420
Yeah, I think the smallest one's under five.

55
00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:18,060
Just the conditions that this place is in there, that's not enough to notify social services?

56
00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:19,580
No.

57
00:03:20,060 --> 00:03:21,620
She has food in the refrigerator.

58
00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:24,760
Other than the mess, it doesn't pose a hazard.

59
00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:26,920
It's just messy.

60
00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:33,040
On the other side of the city, a car pulled over for a minor violation

61
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:36,060
contained a woman acting strangely and some friends.

62
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:38,240
Anything interesting?

63
00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,140
We've got some pipe scales and dope.

64
00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:42,420
What kind of dope is it?

65
00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:43,380
It's meth.

66
00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:44,260
They've got meth on them.

67
00:03:46,340 --> 00:03:47,760
It was the first thing.

68
00:03:48,340 --> 00:03:49,280
What's so funny?

69
00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:52,780
Yeah, I don't know.

70
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:53,720
Everything's funny.

71
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:57,180
Is there already a warrant out for her arrest, did someone say?

72
00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:58,560
What are you under arrest for?

73
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:00,920
We're not going to court.

74
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:02,400
What's your warrant for?

75
00:04:02,980 --> 00:04:04,040
Court arrest.

76
00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:06,100
What is it?

77
00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:07,300
It's a methamphetamine pipe.

78
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:07,700
What's it?

79
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,300
How much a small bag like that cost?

80
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:13,560
About $10.

81
00:04:16,260 --> 00:04:18,600
What was his original offense, the guy in the back?

82
00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:19,660
Possession for sales.

83
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:20,960
So this guy could be a dealer.

84
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:24,840
You did time in prison for dealing meth?

85
00:04:25,180 --> 00:04:27,360
Dealing drugs, meth.

86
00:04:27,620 --> 00:04:28,860
You were taking it as well?

87
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:29,160
Yeah.

88
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:30,120
Pretty much.

89
00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:31,220
I've been on a good little run.

90
00:04:31,540 --> 00:04:33,600
How come you got so caught up in meth?

91
00:04:34,020 --> 00:04:35,760
You smoke that shit and it's over, man.

92
00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:47,240
You know, I've snorted cocaine, I've done meth, I've done crank, I've done it, snorted it, and I took a hit of some meth, and it's pretty much a wrap.

93
00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:50,280
You smoke about a gram a day?

94
00:04:50,460 --> 00:04:51,020
Sure do.

95
00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:52,100
Maybe more.

96
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:52,820
Really?

97
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:53,340
Yes.

98
00:04:53,540 --> 00:04:54,520
You smoke every day?

99
00:04:54,780 --> 00:04:55,520
Every day.

100
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:55,960
How come?

101
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,280
Because I want to, because I feel like it.

102
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:02,400
For how long have you been doing this?

103
00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:05,300
Since 1995.

104
00:05:06,420 --> 00:05:07,580
And you have three kids?

105
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:08,320
Yes, I do.

106
00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:11,000
Do they know that you get high every day?

107
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,160
Yes, they do.

108
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,180
Most likely, yes, they do, because their grandparents tell them everything.

109
00:05:16,940 --> 00:05:19,860
I left that house to just come out here and do whatever I want to do.

110
00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:26,580
Is that because of the drugs you used?

111
00:05:26,580 --> 00:05:26,980
Nope.

112
00:05:26,980 --> 00:05:27,780
Not even because of that.

113
00:05:27,860 --> 00:05:29,940
Because my baby's dad freaking left me.

114
00:05:30,420 --> 00:05:34,780
And I couldn't stay in that house no more because of the fact it brought too many fucking memories inside my...

115
00:05:34,780 --> 00:05:35,780
Inside...

116
00:05:35,780 --> 00:06:05,760
I don't care if you're going to believe me or not, but after today, I wasn't...

117
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:10,960
I wasn't going to smoke no more at all because I wasn't going to go fucking do everything I was supposed to do and everything after today.

118
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,240
I don't care if you believe me or not, but that's the truth.

119
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:17,600
And it's all in my...

120
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,480
It's all I have to do is just want to stop.

121
00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:20,940
And that's all I have to do is just want to stop.

122
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:23,640
How old are your children?

123
00:06:26,860 --> 00:06:29,680
13, 6, and 4.

124
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:34,120
Watch your head as you get in.

125
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:54,240
I was curious to meet more addicts and to try to understand the appeal of the meth lifestyle.

126
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,560
One, two, three, four.

127
00:06:57,280 --> 00:07:02,640
You saw the sun that rises up for more.

128
00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:04,440
Over and over.

129
00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:12,420
Given the scale of the drug problem in Fresno, it's perhaps not surprising that the city is also home to the largest rehab facility in the state of California.

130
00:07:12,940 --> 00:07:15,140
It's run by a company called Westcare.

131
00:07:15,140 --> 00:07:25,300
And if there's any justice in this world, gotta keep moving on.

132
00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:29,860
Many of the addicts here have been sent by the courts as an alternative to a jail term.

133
00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:32,140
They live segregated by sex.

134
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:34,660
A majority have a problem with meth.

135
00:07:34,660 --> 00:07:38,400
I'm writing you this letter to say goodbye to meth.

136
00:07:38,820 --> 00:07:42,680
You have made my life hell and have destroyed my life for the last time.

137
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,340
Recently, there's been a surge in the numbers of addicted women.

138
00:07:46,820 --> 00:07:53,140
One of the side effects of meth is unbridled sexual activity, and many of the women are mothers to large numbers of children.

139
00:07:54,260 --> 00:07:57,180
Westcare Deputy Administrator is Lynn Pimentel.

140
00:07:57,180 --> 00:08:01,600
How many people do you have in residence here in recovery total?

141
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:05,360
We're licensed for 299 adults and 55 children.

142
00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:07,480
The children aren't addicted to drugs.

143
00:08:07,580 --> 00:08:08,800
Some are born addicted, yes.

144
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,840
Some are born addicted? Really? How do you know?

145
00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:14,560
They test at birth, they test the urine, and they test the mother.

146
00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:18,980
We have a lot of problems in the valley with poverty, unemployment, crime.

147
00:08:19,580 --> 00:08:25,300
Meth is very accessible, and it kind of takes the pain away for folks and makes them feel good.

148
00:08:26,020 --> 00:08:26,500
Epidemic.

149
00:08:27,180 --> 00:08:31,780
Growing, easily manufactured, very cheap and spreading across the country.

150
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,520
So the pathways for women are very different.

151
00:08:37,420 --> 00:08:44,780
Women's pathways to addiction tend to come through relationships, to develop a connection with another human being.

152
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:46,400
Men's pathways to...

153
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:47,680
What, to a husband or a boyfriend?

154
00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:50,780
Boyfriend, husband, father, a molester, an abuser.

155
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:59,280
Ninety-five percent of the individuals, the women that walk in here, test positive for mental health disorders, either depression, anxiety, compulsive behavior.

156
00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:03,880
Eighty-five percent have been victims of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse.

157
00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:06,260
Men know who their enemies are and who want to hurt them.

158
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:10,040
Their gangs, their police, their enemy in war.

159
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:13,760
Women tend to be abused and hurt by those who say, I love you.

160
00:09:13,980 --> 00:09:15,240
So it's very crazy-making.

161
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,060
So we treat the men different than the women.

162
00:09:18,380 --> 00:09:20,100
They have to learn how to express themselves.

163
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:22,640
Women have no problems expressing themselves.

164
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:24,300
It's what they do with it is the problem.

165
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:53,940
One of those coming close to the end of her stay at Westcare was a recovering addict.

166
00:09:53,940 --> 00:09:57,160
And convicted meth manufacturer called Centeca.

167
00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,940
So you're on a relatively short...

168
00:09:59,940 --> 00:10:01,040
The short-term program here.

169
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:01,400
Short-term program.

170
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,480
Which is 30 days.

171
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:04,380
And you had done some time in jail?

172
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:04,880
Yes.

173
00:10:05,180 --> 00:10:05,580
How long?

174
00:10:06,020 --> 00:10:07,940
This last time, seven months.

175
00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:08,660
Seven months.

176
00:10:08,700 --> 00:10:10,860
And you'd done another sentence before that?

177
00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:12,020
Yeah, four months.

178
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:13,700
And see, I was looking at...

179
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:17,120
I was looking at about eight to ten years, prison.

180
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:23,540
It sounds like you, at one point, had been kind of quite deep into the meth lifestyle.

181
00:10:23,940 --> 00:10:24,260
Right.

182
00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:25,900
Is that fair to say?

183
00:10:26,180 --> 00:10:27,280
Yeah, very much.

184
00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:28,120
For 15 years.

185
00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:28,960
How much...

186
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:29,940
How often would you take it?

187
00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:34,520
When I was snorting it, it wasn't as much.

188
00:10:34,580 --> 00:10:37,840
I could do a 20 sack, which is, you know, it's small.

189
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:38,460
$20.

190
00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:39,380
$20 worth.

191
00:10:39,860 --> 00:10:42,900
But then when I started smoking it, it became to be, like, almost like I'm smoking a cigarette.

192
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:43,540
Okay?

193
00:10:43,620 --> 00:10:44,740
And I'm, like...

194
00:10:44,740 --> 00:10:48,220
So every time I'd get up out of bed, I wanted to smoke a bowl.

195
00:10:48,780 --> 00:10:51,140
I mean, did you ever go on benches where you were staying up?

196
00:10:51,460 --> 00:10:52,220
Yeah, I did.

197
00:10:52,260 --> 00:10:53,020
How long would you stay up for?

198
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,520
The longest I stayed up was two weeks.

199
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:55,340
Without sleeping?

200
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:56,000
Without sleeping.

201
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,840
And I was just, like...

202
00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:00,080
I mean, seeing things.

203
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:01,800
I mean, it was off the wall.

204
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:03,360
Did you like it?

205
00:11:04,220 --> 00:11:05,760
I did, because it was different.

206
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:09,420
And what would you be doing when you were on these long binges?

207
00:11:09,580 --> 00:11:11,400
I mean, just socializing or what?

208
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,440
No, I would be by myself most of the time.

209
00:11:13,860 --> 00:11:14,320
On your own?

210
00:11:14,380 --> 00:11:15,200
Not even with a boyfriend?

211
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,620
No, I was more of a...

212
00:11:17,620 --> 00:11:20,420
I feel like I wanted to do it so I can get stuff done.

213
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:22,860
Clean, you know, get the house all clean.

214
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,460
You know, thinking I'm getting it done.

215
00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:27,720
But I'm really only stuck in one spot for friggin' five or six hours.

216
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:29,760
Cleaning one thing.

217
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:32,060
And you have kids, right?

218
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:32,580
Right.

219
00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:33,020
How many?

220
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:34,380
I have five girls.

221
00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:35,200
Where are they?

222
00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:37,320
Four of them are in CPS.

223
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,060
Child Protective Services.

224
00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:39,540
Right.

225
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:41,020
And the other one?

226
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:42,320
And the other one is with her dad.

227
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:48,140
It was more important to you at that stage to get home than to be with your children.

228
00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:48,780
Right.

229
00:11:48,860 --> 00:11:52,260
I guess you could say I chose the dope at that moment over my children,

230
00:11:52,380 --> 00:11:57,320
but I felt that I was doing the best for them at that time.

231
00:11:58,900 --> 00:11:59,900
And, you know, I just...

232
00:11:59,900 --> 00:12:02,320
I didn't think that I had anywhere to go with them.

233
00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:03,760
Rob, one on the back then.

234
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:07,340
Who are you with now?

235
00:12:08,140 --> 00:12:10,460
I'm still kind of with my children's father.

236
00:12:12,380 --> 00:12:15,420
But he's still in his addiction.

237
00:12:15,420 --> 00:12:17,640
And I know I cannot...

238
00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:22,980
When I leave this program, I can't go to him if he is still using it, because I cannot jeopardize my sobriety again.

239
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:23,740
I can't.

240
00:12:24,340 --> 00:12:26,580
Or I might not come back again.

241
00:12:26,740 --> 00:12:28,780
I might go out and I might not make it back.

242
00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:32,080
There is that chance.

243
00:12:32,340 --> 00:12:32,640
Meaning?

244
00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:34,080
Death.

245
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:34,120
Death.

246
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:34,640
Death.

247
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:35,860
Gels, institutions and death.

248
00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:47,140
Roughly half a million people live in Fresno.

249
00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:52,420
Historically, it was an agricultural centre.

250
00:12:52,860 --> 00:12:54,940
But for years, the city has struggled with unemployment.

251
00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:59,280
And the recent downturn has only made the situation worse.

252
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:05,100
Some say people take meth to help them work longer hours in boring jobs.

253
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,220
Others simply to escape their problems.

254
00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:15,180
I wanted to get to know some active addicts.

255
00:13:15,780 --> 00:13:18,560
Being illegal, the use of meth is highly secretive.

256
00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:23,140
But I'd heard about a weekly needle exchange program supported by Westcare.

257
00:13:23,140 --> 00:13:30,140
It would be a way to meet users who take their drugs by injecting them, also known as slamming.

258
00:13:32,140 --> 00:13:32,780
What's your name?

259
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:33,180
Carl.

260
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:33,900
Carl, how do you do?

261
00:13:33,940 --> 00:13:34,200
I'm Louis.

262
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,100
And you've got a problem with meth, would you say?

263
00:13:37,180 --> 00:13:39,960
Meth, shards, whatever they want to call it anymore.

264
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:41,480
I've been doing it for 35 years.

265
00:13:41,580 --> 00:13:41,860
Really?

266
00:13:42,020 --> 00:13:43,660
I slam three or four times a day, every day.

267
00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:45,320
And I eat, sleep, every day.

268
00:13:46,540 --> 00:13:48,800
You know, take vitamins, take care of myself.

269
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:54,280
And, you know, sure, it's affected my life some, but I have a wife.

270
00:13:54,380 --> 00:13:55,660
We've been together 20-something years.

271
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:57,200
Does your wife use as well?

272
00:13:57,300 --> 00:13:57,860
Yes, she does.

273
00:13:57,960 --> 00:13:59,160
How often does your wife use?

274
00:13:59,260 --> 00:14:00,240
Same thing as I do.

275
00:14:00,420 --> 00:14:01,420
Three or four times a day?

276
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:02,840
She just smokes, you know, slam.

277
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:03,720
Really?

278
00:14:03,940 --> 00:14:04,160
Mm-hmm.

279
00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:07,360
In money terms, how much are you using a day?

280
00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:09,060
Probably $100 a day.

281
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:11,600
That's $700 a week.

282
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,360
That's about £400 a week or more.

283
00:14:14,460 --> 00:14:15,500
That's a lot.

284
00:14:15,860 --> 00:14:16,860
Yeah, I went through it.

285
00:14:16,860 --> 00:14:18,480
When did you last shoot up?

286
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:20,300
About an hour ago.

287
00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:22,040
You don't seem that high.

288
00:14:22,060 --> 00:14:22,340
No, no.

289
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,480
Well, no, it's how you do it.

290
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:27,600
I don't care if I've just done one.

291
00:14:27,820 --> 00:14:30,800
If I need to, I can be as straight as the next person.

292
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:31,980
Do you have children?

293
00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:33,480
I have five boys.

294
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:34,440
Five boys?

295
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:34,740
Mm-hmm.

296
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:36,300
But they're not with us.

297
00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:37,460
They live with her brother.

298
00:14:37,820 --> 00:14:39,060
Wouldn't you like them to be with you?

299
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,840
Well, I'm smart and, yeah, I would.

300
00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:45,920
But then, again, I'm not going to jeopardize my children over my choices.

301
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:49,220
It sounds like you chose the drug over your children, in a sense.

302
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:54,100
No, I chose the fact that I love my children enough that I let them get involved with me

303
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:54,600
around it.

304
00:14:54,900 --> 00:14:56,280
Have you ever thought of going into Westcare?

305
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:58,080
You know, they have these inpatient facilities.

306
00:14:58,620 --> 00:15:04,520
The thing about rehab stuff will not do anybody any good that's not already ready to quit.

307
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,280
And if you're already ready to quit, you don't need any rehab, okay?

308
00:15:07,380 --> 00:15:08,140
They can't help.

309
00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:13,960
I plan on, when I'm 90 years old, in my wheelchair, be rolling down the aisle and, boom, do a big

310
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:14,560
one, and that's it.

311
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:15,680
Blow my heart out.

312
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:16,820
That'd be all over with.

313
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,460
As long as it's in my wife's arms.

314
00:15:18,740 --> 00:15:20,420
You know, I just want to die in her arms.

315
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:21,140
Other than that, I don't care.

316
00:15:27,140 --> 00:15:35,280
I was back with law enforcement, this time, the sheriff's department.

317
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:43,540
The rural parts of Fresno County are well-known for hiding clandestine labs, where meth is

318
00:15:43,540 --> 00:15:46,100
cooked up using an over-the-counter cold remedy.

319
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:50,480
Even the small towns have large numbers of meth addicts.

320
00:15:55,940 --> 00:15:57,700
So where, what are we doing?

321
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:02,140
What they're doing right now is they've got a UC car that's set up on a residence.

322
00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:02,880
That's undercover?

323
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:04,620
Yeah, an undercover car.

324
00:16:04,620 --> 00:16:11,460
They're looking for an escapee.

325
00:16:11,540 --> 00:16:13,640
He's an 18-year-old escapee.

326
00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:16,100
There's a warrant, a no-bill warrant out for his arrest.

327
00:16:16,340 --> 00:16:18,680
We see the front door and the front of the house.

328
00:16:18,740 --> 00:16:19,900
I can't see down the street.

329
00:16:20,660 --> 00:16:22,060
I can't see anything else.

330
00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:23,320
I'm kind of looking over a fence.

331
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,620
Let's just get this one crossed off the list.

332
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:30,900
What's happening?

333
00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:32,540
They're going to hit the house.

334
00:16:32,540 --> 00:16:35,200
The best way in there is either off of them.

335
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:36,000
I think that's our primary.

336
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,080
He's walking back towards me.

337
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:50,460
Last time we went in there, there were a couple of smaller kids.

338
00:16:50,460 --> 00:16:53,040
Grandma, sister, mom.

339
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:55,020
oof, oof, oof, oof.

340
00:16:55,080 --> 00:17:00,260
oof, oof, oof, oof.

341
00:17:00,260 --> 00:17:16,260
Are you Brett? How do you do? I'm Louie, we're from the BBC British Broadcasting.

342
00:17:16,260 --> 00:17:19,260
Do you know why they've come for you today?

343
00:17:19,260 --> 00:17:22,260
Code 4-1 in custody and two detained.

344
00:17:22,260 --> 00:17:27,260
Your perimeter units come around first.

345
00:17:27,260 --> 00:17:30,260
Hey Brett. Brett, cross your feet for me.

346
00:17:30,260 --> 00:17:34,260
Ditching her dope in the scale. Ditching her dope in the scale, my goodness.

347
00:17:34,260 --> 00:17:36,260
Scales?

348
00:17:36,260 --> 00:17:39,260
What kind of drug was it? It's a methamphetamine.

349
00:17:39,260 --> 00:17:43,260
You can see it here. It's a nice sized rock.

350
00:17:43,260 --> 00:17:46,260
What is it? Crystal meth.

351
00:17:46,260 --> 00:17:51,260
Are you kidding me?

352
00:17:51,260 --> 00:17:54,260
Yeah, my car's right there.

353
00:17:58,260 --> 00:18:00,260
How are you doing? I'm Louie. What's your name?

354
00:18:00,260 --> 00:18:02,260
My name is Barbara. I'm Brett's grandmother.

355
00:18:02,260 --> 00:18:07,260
Brett is the very tall, skinny young man who was the guy they were looking for, basically.

356
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:10,260
Yes, he had a warrant which I was unaware of.

357
00:18:10,260 --> 00:18:12,260
He's got a problem with crystal meth? I guess.

358
00:18:12,260 --> 00:18:14,260
And his mother too?

359
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,260
She had in the past, yes.

360
00:18:16,260 --> 00:18:17,260
Really?

361
00:18:17,260 --> 00:18:21,260
But she's been out and off parole now for over four years.

362
00:18:21,260 --> 00:18:24,260
It sounds like meth's been a problem in your family.

363
00:18:24,260 --> 00:18:26,260
Yes. My daughter, she left me with Brett.

364
00:18:26,260 --> 00:18:29,260
Brett was four years old when she was doing drugs.

365
00:18:29,260 --> 00:18:44,260
I've given probably the last 19 years of my life help raising my grandchildren so that they don't wind up in, they don't wind up with CPS and they don't wind up in, well, look at poor Brett, you know.

366
00:18:44,260 --> 00:18:58,260
It just breaks my heart to see him have to try and walk through his mother's footprints that she did for so long.

367
00:18:58,260 --> 00:19:03,260
You think Brett got off track because of mistakes that your daughter, his mother made?

368
00:19:03,260 --> 00:19:05,260
I think it contributed to it, yes.

369
00:19:05,260 --> 00:19:07,260
Watching mom out on the streets and leaving him alone.

370
00:19:07,260 --> 00:19:08,260
Because of the drugs?

371
00:19:08,260 --> 00:19:10,260
Leaving him with family, family and friends.

372
00:19:10,260 --> 00:19:12,260
Not having a mother and a father.

373
00:19:12,260 --> 00:19:14,260
Being shuffled between families.

374
00:19:14,260 --> 00:19:18,260
And his dad's serving 25 years for premeditated murder in Washington.

375
00:19:32,260 --> 00:19:34,260
Hey, we'll call you in the back.

376
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:35,260
All right.

377
00:19:44,260 --> 00:19:51,260
Back in Fresno, I was hoping to get deeper into the meth lifestyle.

378
00:19:51,260 --> 00:19:54,260
I'd met up with an ex-dealer called Kevin.

379
00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:59,260
He told me that one of his best friends, Chris, was a serious meth head.

380
00:19:59,260 --> 00:20:02,260
And what is your routine?

381
00:20:02,260 --> 00:20:04,260
What do you do together?

382
00:20:04,260 --> 00:20:07,260
Um, make money.

383
00:20:07,260 --> 00:20:09,260
Really, I'm like his manager.

384
00:20:09,260 --> 00:20:12,260
He gets stuff and then he brings it to me.

385
00:20:12,260 --> 00:20:15,260
I tell him what it's worth and then I sell it for him.

386
00:20:15,260 --> 00:20:20,260
Sort of on the fringes of legality, as it were.

387
00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:22,260
Uh, I don't understand.

388
00:20:22,260 --> 00:20:23,260
Stolen goods?

389
00:20:23,260 --> 00:20:24,260
Yeah.

390
00:20:24,260 --> 00:20:27,260
I don't want to put you on the spot, Kevin.

391
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:31,260
But would you say that you're a criminal?

392
00:20:39,260 --> 00:20:40,260
Hey, Kevin.

393
00:20:40,260 --> 00:20:41,260
Louie.

394
00:20:41,260 --> 00:20:42,260
What's your name?

395
00:20:42,260 --> 00:20:43,260
Chris.

396
00:20:43,260 --> 00:20:44,260
Chris.

397
00:20:44,260 --> 00:20:45,260
Nice to meet you.

398
00:20:45,260 --> 00:20:50,260
A little later, with Chris on board, we headed back to Kevin's house.

399
00:20:50,260 --> 00:20:56,260
Hi, how do you do? I'm Louie.

400
00:20:56,260 --> 00:20:57,260
Hi there.

401
00:20:57,260 --> 00:20:59,260
A few of his friends were having a barbecue.

402
00:20:59,260 --> 00:21:00,260
Hi.

403
00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:01,260
Hi.

404
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,260
So this is your place?

405
00:21:02,260 --> 00:21:03,260
Yeah.

406
00:21:03,260 --> 00:21:04,260
And are those your kids?

407
00:21:04,260 --> 00:21:05,260
Yeah.

408
00:21:05,260 --> 00:21:07,260
What time do they normally turn in?

409
00:21:07,260 --> 00:21:08,260
Uh, whenever they're home.

410
00:21:08,260 --> 00:21:09,260
For real?

411
00:21:09,260 --> 00:21:10,260
Really?

412
00:21:10,260 --> 00:21:11,260
Yeah.

413
00:21:11,260 --> 00:21:23,260
Do you don't find it makes them cranky if they haven't sort of had a good night's sleep?

414
00:21:23,260 --> 00:21:30,260
They, you know, basically they gotta adapt to their parents' schedule, you know, because we can't be asleep when they're up.

415
00:21:30,260 --> 00:21:31,260
So.

416
00:21:32,260 --> 00:21:34,260
Fellas, get out of the window.

417
00:21:34,260 --> 00:21:38,260
One of those present was a meth dealer with an unusual nickname.

418
00:21:38,260 --> 00:21:39,260
This is Wiggles?

419
00:21:39,260 --> 00:21:40,260
Yes.

420
00:21:40,260 --> 00:21:41,260
Nice to meet you.

421
00:21:41,260 --> 00:21:42,260
I'm Louie.

422
00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:43,260
Yeah.

423
00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:44,260
How's it going?

424
00:21:44,260 --> 00:21:45,260
Pretty good.

425
00:21:45,260 --> 00:21:46,260
You also go by Andrew?

426
00:21:46,260 --> 00:21:47,260
Is that right?

427
00:21:47,260 --> 00:21:48,260
That's your name?

428
00:21:48,260 --> 00:21:51,260
Andrew, you use a bit.

429
00:21:51,260 --> 00:21:52,260
Quite a lot.

430
00:21:52,260 --> 00:21:53,260
Yeah.

431
00:21:53,260 --> 00:21:55,260
Quite a lot.

432
00:21:55,260 --> 00:21:56,260
Where do you get it from?

433
00:21:56,260 --> 00:21:58,260
My, my peoples.

434
00:21:58,260 --> 00:21:59,260
You know what I mean?

435
00:21:59,260 --> 00:22:00,260
Your connection?

436
00:22:00,260 --> 00:22:01,260
Yeah.

437
00:22:01,260 --> 00:22:04,260
Got a whole, you know what I'm saying?

438
00:22:04,260 --> 00:22:05,260
Bunches of them.

439
00:22:05,260 --> 00:22:06,260
So.

440
00:22:06,260 --> 00:22:08,260
From people who are cooking it themselves?

441
00:22:08,260 --> 00:22:11,260
I don't fuck around with cooks, man, they're crazy.

442
00:22:11,260 --> 00:22:12,260
Why?

443
00:22:12,260 --> 00:22:17,260
Because they cook it, so like they inhale the fumes and stuff, but they're not quite right in the head, so.

444
00:22:17,260 --> 00:22:19,260
Kind of like, you know, you stay away from them.

445
00:22:19,260 --> 00:22:26,260
I mean, the meth that's sold in Fresno, would it be mainly cooked around here or in California?

446
00:22:26,260 --> 00:22:27,260
Or is it brought...

447
00:22:27,260 --> 00:22:29,260
Fresno's the meth capital of the motherfuckers of the world.

448
00:22:29,260 --> 00:22:30,260
You know what I mean?

449
00:22:30,260 --> 00:22:36,260
My dad used to push it with the Hell's Angels back in the 70s and shit, so here in Fresno and whatnot.

450
00:22:36,260 --> 00:22:41,260
Do you think Andrew's use is, like, do you think it's had a mental effect on him?

451
00:22:41,260 --> 00:22:42,260
Yeah.

452
00:22:42,260 --> 00:22:47,260
Well, yeah, I think it has an effect on everybody, anyone who does it.

453
00:22:47,260 --> 00:22:49,260
I've been doing it since I was 11, of course it's had its effect.

454
00:22:49,260 --> 00:22:50,260
Yeah.

455
00:22:50,260 --> 00:22:51,260
Since you were 11?

456
00:22:51,260 --> 00:22:52,260
Yeah.

457
00:22:53,260 --> 00:22:55,260
So, uh, Louis?

458
00:22:55,260 --> 00:22:56,260
Yo.

459
00:22:56,260 --> 00:22:58,260
I'm going to take another break.

460
00:22:58,260 --> 00:22:59,260
Okay.

461
00:22:59,260 --> 00:23:00,260
I'll be right back.

462
00:23:00,260 --> 00:23:01,260
Okay.

463
00:23:01,260 --> 00:23:03,260
Where have we left off?

464
00:23:03,260 --> 00:23:07,260
Chris had been taking occasional breaks all afternoon.

465
00:23:07,260 --> 00:23:10,260
I had a hunch they might be meth-related.

466
00:23:10,260 --> 00:23:11,260
I just did that.

467
00:23:11,260 --> 00:23:12,260
I just did that.

468
00:23:12,260 --> 00:23:14,260
This time, Andrew joined him.

469
00:23:18,260 --> 00:23:20,260
For me, it was an awkward moment.

470
00:23:20,260 --> 00:23:32,260
Though I'd wanted to experience the depths of the meth lifestyle, I hadn't thought much about what I'd do when I got there.

471
00:23:32,260 --> 00:23:34,260
Does it look tempting, Louis?

472
00:23:34,260 --> 00:23:35,260
Huh?

473
00:23:35,260 --> 00:23:37,260
Does it look tempting?

474
00:23:37,260 --> 00:23:42,260
Do you feel different now, Andrew?

475
00:23:46,260 --> 00:23:47,260
About six more of those.

476
00:23:47,260 --> 00:23:48,260
I feel better.

477
00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:49,260
A little bit.

478
00:23:49,260 --> 00:23:50,260
Quick second.

479
00:23:50,260 --> 00:23:52,260
I'll be more alive, energetic.

480
00:23:52,260 --> 00:23:54,260
It's quite weird for me.

481
00:23:54,260 --> 00:23:59,260
On one level, I felt like I should be, um, kind of challenging you and telling you not to do it.

482
00:23:59,260 --> 00:24:00,260
Do you know what I mean?

483
00:24:00,260 --> 00:24:01,260
It's just like somebody smoking a cigarette.

484
00:24:01,260 --> 00:24:02,260
You know what I mean?

485
00:24:02,260 --> 00:24:04,260
Cigarettes cause cancer.

486
00:24:04,260 --> 00:24:06,260
How many people die of cigarettes?

487
00:24:06,260 --> 00:24:07,260
Bigger.

488
00:24:07,260 --> 00:24:08,260
You know what I mean?

489
00:24:08,260 --> 00:24:10,260
You seem a little tweaked now.

490
00:24:10,260 --> 00:24:11,260
Is that the word?

491
00:24:11,260 --> 00:24:14,260
You know, you seem a little twitchier, like, head movements and stuff.

492
00:24:14,260 --> 00:24:16,260
I just got the camera on my face.

493
00:24:16,260 --> 00:24:19,260
I'm just doing a little, like, kind of heavyweight.

494
00:24:24,260 --> 00:24:25,260
That's not good shit.

495
00:24:25,260 --> 00:24:26,260
That's not good shit.

496
00:24:26,260 --> 00:24:27,260
That's not good shit.

497
00:24:27,260 --> 00:24:29,260
Where did they just come from, Kevin?

498
00:24:29,260 --> 00:24:30,260
Somebody's house.

499
00:24:33,260 --> 00:24:35,260
You don't mind if I sit down for a minute?

500
00:24:35,260 --> 00:24:36,260
No.

501
00:24:36,260 --> 00:24:37,260
No.

502
00:24:37,260 --> 00:24:38,260
Take the load off.

503
00:24:38,260 --> 00:24:40,260
Look, man, you can come with me, man.

504
00:24:40,260 --> 00:24:41,260
Thank you, man.

505
00:24:41,260 --> 00:24:44,260
I don't care what they say about me.

506
00:24:44,260 --> 00:24:46,260
They better not say nothing about this guy.

507
00:24:47,260 --> 00:24:49,260
You've got a problem with all of us.

508
00:24:49,260 --> 00:24:50,260
They'll pass.

509
00:24:50,260 --> 00:24:53,260
It was close to midnight, and for me, bedtime.

510
00:24:53,260 --> 00:24:57,260
The most troubling part of the evening had been the presence of children.

511
00:24:57,260 --> 00:25:02,260
Though I was fairly sure they hadn't seen any drug use, I still felt I should talk to Kevin.

512
00:25:03,260 --> 00:25:11,260
Do you ever worry about, you know, the lifestyle that, say, your friends are involved in and your kids being around it?

513
00:25:11,260 --> 00:25:12,260
No.

514
00:25:12,260 --> 00:25:15,260
Like, I think there's a lot of...

515
00:25:15,260 --> 00:25:16,260
Bubba's.

516
00:25:16,260 --> 00:25:17,260
Go inside.

517
00:25:17,260 --> 00:25:18,260
Bubba's.

518
00:25:18,260 --> 00:25:25,260
It seems to me there's a danger here that they could be exposed to some of the chaos, you know, that goes with the lifestyle.

519
00:25:30,260 --> 00:25:31,260
I don't know.

520
00:25:31,260 --> 00:25:43,260
Because Chris and Andrew, they're relaxing in there with your children, toddlers.

521
00:25:43,260 --> 00:25:44,260
Yeah.

522
00:25:44,260 --> 00:25:49,260
If anything, they'll help keep them safe.

523
00:25:49,260 --> 00:25:58,260
If any trouble did come, they would, you know, all in together.

524
00:25:58,260 --> 00:25:59,260
You know what I mean?

525
00:25:59,260 --> 00:26:01,260
Do you feel like being judgmental?

526
00:26:01,260 --> 00:26:02,260
Kind of.

527
00:26:02,260 --> 00:26:03,260
Yeah.

528
00:26:03,260 --> 00:26:04,260
Maybe a little.

529
00:26:04,260 --> 00:26:06,260
You gotta live the life for a minute.

530
00:26:06,260 --> 00:26:07,260
Really see.

531
00:26:07,260 --> 00:26:11,260
You know, you just gotta kind of a quick glimpse and...

532
00:26:11,260 --> 00:26:14,260
Really, is it?

533
00:26:14,260 --> 00:26:18,260
The better side, like, it gets a whole lot worse than tell you.

534
00:26:18,260 --> 00:26:20,260
I've been...

535
00:26:20,260 --> 00:26:23,260
A lot of places, it gets a whole lot worse.

536
00:26:23,260 --> 00:26:38,260
I was heading back to Westcare.

537
00:26:38,260 --> 00:26:55,260
As a way of understanding the importance of family support to recovery, I've been invited to observe a therapeutic exercise called the Hot Seat.

538
00:26:55,260 --> 00:27:01,260
Clients and their family members would be facing off in public in the hope of repairing their relationships.

539
00:27:01,260 --> 00:27:07,260
One of those taking part was a recovering meth addict called Leanne.

540
00:27:07,260 --> 00:27:09,260
So how many times have you been in recovery, inpatient?

541
00:27:09,260 --> 00:27:10,260
This is my fourth.

542
00:27:10,260 --> 00:27:11,260
Is it?

543
00:27:11,260 --> 00:27:12,260
Fifth.

544
00:27:12,260 --> 00:27:13,260
Fifth.

545
00:27:13,260 --> 00:27:14,260
Do you think you can do it?

546
00:27:14,260 --> 00:27:16,260
I'm gonna try.

547
00:27:16,260 --> 00:27:17,260
I think I got...

548
00:27:17,260 --> 00:27:19,260
I'm gonna get more tools now.

549
00:27:19,260 --> 00:27:23,260
And I know what the big issue of me relapsing was, because I have five kids.

550
00:27:23,260 --> 00:27:24,260
And I lost them all.

551
00:27:24,260 --> 00:27:25,260
They're all adopted.

552
00:27:25,260 --> 00:27:28,260
And I'm still not getting over the fact that I lost them, I think.

553
00:27:28,260 --> 00:27:30,260
But it's been 17 years.

554
00:27:30,260 --> 00:27:32,260
So, I'm not gonna say never.

555
00:27:32,260 --> 00:27:34,260
Is there a man in your life?

556
00:27:34,260 --> 00:27:36,260
Yeah, I just got married.

557
00:27:36,260 --> 00:27:37,260
When?

558
00:27:37,260 --> 00:27:38,260
A year ago, October.

559
00:27:38,260 --> 00:27:40,260
How's that going?

560
00:27:40,260 --> 00:27:42,260
The day we got married, I relapsed.

561
00:27:42,260 --> 00:27:47,260
So, the night we got married, that night I took off and I didn't come home for four days.

562
00:27:47,260 --> 00:27:49,260
Supposed to be the best day of your life, right?

563
00:27:49,260 --> 00:27:50,260
When you get married?

564
00:27:50,260 --> 00:27:51,260
Yeah.

565
00:27:51,260 --> 00:27:54,260
And then that evening, you couldn't even stick it out for the whole day?

566
00:27:54,260 --> 00:27:57,260
I didn't go thinking I wasn't gonna come home.

567
00:27:57,260 --> 00:27:59,260
I went to go get high and then I wasn't gonna come home.

568
00:27:59,260 --> 00:28:02,260
But I didn't come home because once I got high, I got guilty.

569
00:28:02,260 --> 00:28:05,260
You didn't come back for three days, did you say?

570
00:28:05,260 --> 00:28:07,260
Three days, but that was the first time.

571
00:28:07,260 --> 00:28:10,260
It's only been four more times after that that I took off on him.

572
00:28:10,260 --> 00:28:13,260
So, I am very blessed that he's still there.

573
00:28:13,260 --> 00:28:16,260
And you've only been married a little over a year.

574
00:28:16,260 --> 00:28:19,260
A year and two months.

575
00:28:19,260 --> 00:28:23,260
So, your track record is not that good?

576
00:28:23,260 --> 00:28:25,260
No, no.

577
00:28:25,260 --> 00:28:26,260
I wouldn't say so.

578
00:28:26,260 --> 00:28:29,260
I'm good with that today, though.

579
00:28:29,260 --> 00:28:38,260
How are you feeling?

580
00:28:38,260 --> 00:28:39,260
Nervous.

581
00:28:39,260 --> 00:28:40,260
Nervous?

582
00:28:40,260 --> 00:28:41,260
Nervous.

583
00:28:41,260 --> 00:28:42,260
Why?

584
00:28:42,260 --> 00:28:44,260
Well, you think he's gonna grill you?

585
00:28:44,260 --> 00:28:48,260
I don't know.

586
00:28:48,260 --> 00:28:50,260
At this point in time, I do not know.

587
00:28:50,260 --> 00:28:52,260
This is not a joke.

588
00:28:52,260 --> 00:28:53,260
Amen.

589
00:28:53,260 --> 00:28:55,260
Addiction is not a joke.

590
00:28:55,260 --> 00:28:58,260
It's killing people.

591
00:28:58,260 --> 00:29:01,260
It's robbing children of their mothers and their fathers.

592
00:29:01,260 --> 00:29:05,260
It's robbing you of your family, your life.

593
00:29:05,260 --> 00:29:09,260
You lose yourself in this addiction.

594
00:29:09,260 --> 00:29:18,260
But, you know, I'm just happy to say, you are beautiful women in recovery today.

595
00:29:18,260 --> 00:29:21,260
And this is where you make a change in your life.

596
00:29:28,260 --> 00:29:31,260
I'm not going home and do all my old behavior again.

597
00:29:31,260 --> 00:29:32,260
I've told you that.

598
00:29:32,260 --> 00:29:34,260
I don't want you involved in my life anymore.

599
00:29:34,260 --> 00:29:37,260
I don't want nothing because all you're doing is bringing me down.

600
00:29:37,260 --> 00:29:50,260
You're way of dealing with things is to disappear, not answer the phone.

601
00:29:50,260 --> 00:29:55,260
And then when you, afterwards, you pick up the phone and say, hey, you know, how you doing?

602
00:29:55,260 --> 00:29:57,260
You know, like, like nothing happened.

603
00:29:57,260 --> 00:29:58,260
I'm sorry.

604
00:29:58,260 --> 00:29:59,260
That's the part I was telling you.

605
00:29:59,260 --> 00:30:00,260
I was sorry about that.

606
00:30:00,260 --> 00:30:02,260
I did all those things to you.

607
00:30:02,260 --> 00:30:03,260
I put you off.

608
00:30:03,260 --> 00:30:04,260
I put you second.

609
00:30:04,260 --> 00:30:05,260
And I put Mike in second.

610
00:30:05,260 --> 00:30:07,260
And I'm not going to put you guys second anymore.

611
00:30:07,260 --> 00:30:08,260
All right.

612
00:30:08,260 --> 00:30:09,260
Okay.

613
00:30:09,260 --> 00:30:17,260
We got married a year and two months.

614
00:30:17,260 --> 00:30:23,260
And our honeymoon, supposedly, a.k.a. next day you ran off.

615
00:30:23,260 --> 00:30:30,260
I left at 5.45 for work and you was gone at 6.30, like that.

616
00:30:30,260 --> 00:30:33,260
You hurt people that care about you.

617
00:30:33,260 --> 00:30:34,260
You understand?

618
00:30:34,260 --> 00:30:35,260
I understand.

619
00:30:35,260 --> 00:30:37,260
You can't live two lives.

620
00:30:37,260 --> 00:30:39,260
Am I pushing you out there?

621
00:30:39,260 --> 00:30:40,260
No.

622
00:30:40,260 --> 00:30:42,260
Am I making it too easy for you?

623
00:30:44,260 --> 00:30:45,260
Is that what it is?

624
00:30:45,260 --> 00:30:46,260
Sometimes it was.

625
00:30:46,260 --> 00:30:47,260
It was.

626
00:30:47,260 --> 00:30:48,260
Most of the times we are.

627
00:30:48,260 --> 00:30:49,260
Too easy for you.

628
00:30:49,260 --> 00:30:50,260
Yeah.

629
00:30:50,260 --> 00:30:51,260
I love you.

630
00:30:51,260 --> 00:30:52,260
Love you too.

631
00:30:52,260 --> 00:30:53,260
Thank you.

632
00:30:53,260 --> 00:30:54,260
Thank you.

633
00:30:54,260 --> 00:30:55,260
Thank you.

634
00:30:55,260 --> 00:30:56,260
Thank you.

635
00:30:56,260 --> 00:30:57,260
Thank you.

636
00:30:57,260 --> 00:30:58,260
Thank you.

637
00:31:16,260 --> 00:31:21,260
The other recovering addict I'd met at Westcare, Sentika, was back at home and living with her boyfriend.

638
00:31:21,260 --> 00:31:24,260
Who also had a meth problem.

639
00:31:24,260 --> 00:31:30,260
She'd allowed me to tag along at her monthly visit with the one daughter she still had contact with.

640
00:31:30,260 --> 00:31:33,260
She was belatedly giving her a Christmas present.

641
00:31:33,260 --> 00:31:36,260
Have you noticed changes in your mum?

642
00:31:36,260 --> 00:31:37,260
Yeah.

643
00:31:37,260 --> 00:31:38,260
Since she came out of Westcare?

644
00:31:38,260 --> 00:31:39,260
Yes.

645
00:31:39,260 --> 00:31:43,260
I know she's doing better and she's trying harder to get me and my sisters back.

646
00:31:43,260 --> 00:31:44,260
I know that.

647
00:31:44,260 --> 00:31:46,260
And then when she does, she's going to stay better.

648
00:31:46,260 --> 00:31:48,260
How do you know that?

649
00:31:48,260 --> 00:31:50,260
Because she's Sentika.

650
00:31:50,260 --> 00:31:51,260
She's my mum.

651
00:31:51,260 --> 00:31:53,260
My mum's a strong person.

652
00:31:53,260 --> 00:31:56,260
She's always been a strong person.

653
00:31:56,260 --> 00:31:59,260
That's just the kind of person my mum is.

654
00:31:59,260 --> 00:32:02,260
I know you're only 15 and so there's things you wouldn't have been aware of.

655
00:32:02,260 --> 00:32:07,260
But did you have a sense that, you know, that your mum had a substance abuse problem?

656
00:32:07,260 --> 00:32:09,260
People tried telling me that you were.

657
00:32:09,260 --> 00:32:10,260
I wouldn't believe them.

658
00:32:10,260 --> 00:32:14,260
But in the back of my mind, I'm like, I know my mum's probably doing it.

659
00:32:14,260 --> 00:32:17,260
She just doesn't want to tell me to hurt my feelings.

660
00:32:17,260 --> 00:32:21,260
I remember that one night you left because you said you were going over to a store, but

661
00:32:21,260 --> 00:32:22,260
you never came home.

662
00:32:22,260 --> 00:32:26,260
So I, and I got scared and my sisters were all sleeping.

663
00:32:26,260 --> 00:32:29,260
So I got on the bike and rode over to Dwayne's and found you there.

664
00:32:29,260 --> 00:32:30,260
Remember?

665
00:32:30,260 --> 00:32:31,260
You don't remember that?

666
00:32:31,260 --> 00:32:33,260
You were asleep in the garage with them.

667
00:32:33,260 --> 00:32:35,260
And I, and I said, Mom, Mom, hear you.

668
00:32:35,260 --> 00:32:36,260
And like, I'm like, I found you.

669
00:32:36,260 --> 00:32:37,260
Oh, yeah.

670
00:32:37,260 --> 00:32:38,260
I was only 11.

671
00:32:38,260 --> 00:32:39,260
Yeah.

672
00:32:39,260 --> 00:32:40,260
I left you guys.

673
00:32:40,260 --> 00:32:43,260
I left you at home.

674
00:32:43,260 --> 00:32:48,260
It must be difficult for you staying clean if you live with someone who's not clean.

675
00:32:48,260 --> 00:32:49,260
Right.

676
00:32:49,260 --> 00:32:52,260
And I really think that he should go to a program.

677
00:32:52,260 --> 00:32:56,260
Because, you know, he drinks and I think he's using.

678
00:32:56,260 --> 00:33:00,260
He's, um, since I've been home, he's not there all the time.

679
00:33:00,260 --> 00:33:02,260
He's leaving.

680
00:33:02,260 --> 00:33:05,260
And I just can't go back to that kind of life.

681
00:33:05,260 --> 00:33:08,260
Have you used at all since you, since you came out?

682
00:33:08,260 --> 00:33:09,260
No.

683
00:33:09,260 --> 00:33:10,260
Nope.

684
00:33:10,260 --> 00:33:12,260
Not even crossed my mind.

685
00:33:12,260 --> 00:33:14,260
Because all I picture is my girls.

686
00:33:14,260 --> 00:33:19,260
And I figure if, every time I wanted to pick up that pipe before,

687
00:33:19,260 --> 00:33:21,260
I'd always see them saying, Mom, don't do it.

688
00:33:31,260 --> 00:33:35,260
Back in the world of active users, I'd been invited to see Carl,

689
00:33:35,260 --> 00:33:38,260
the addict I'd first met at the needle exchange.

690
00:33:38,260 --> 00:33:39,260
Hi.

691
00:33:41,260 --> 00:33:42,260
Are you Diane?

692
00:33:42,260 --> 00:33:47,260
I'd been struck by Carl saying he was still with his wife of 20-plus years.

693
00:33:47,260 --> 00:33:48,260
Carl told you how we met?

694
00:33:48,260 --> 00:33:49,260
Yes.

695
00:33:49,260 --> 00:33:50,260
At the needle exchange?

696
00:33:50,260 --> 00:33:51,260
Mm-hm.

697
00:33:51,260 --> 00:33:53,260
And all that, we just painted the bathroom.

698
00:33:53,260 --> 00:33:58,260
I was curious to see what life was like for a couple who were heavily involved in meth use.

699
00:33:58,260 --> 00:34:00,260
How do you bring income in?

700
00:34:00,260 --> 00:34:03,260
I clean houses for some church ladies I know.

701
00:34:03,260 --> 00:34:06,260
And right now we're both full-time students, so we have student loans.

702
00:34:06,260 --> 00:34:08,260
You're both in school at the moment?

703
00:34:08,260 --> 00:34:09,260
Mm-hm.

704
00:34:09,260 --> 00:34:10,260
What are you studying?

705
00:34:10,260 --> 00:34:11,260
I'm going to be a drug counsellor.

706
00:34:11,260 --> 00:34:12,260
Are you?

707
00:34:12,260 --> 00:34:13,260
Oops.

708
00:34:13,260 --> 00:34:14,260
A relapse.

709
00:34:14,260 --> 00:34:15,260
Ain't when that happens.

710
00:34:15,260 --> 00:34:18,260
Are you seriously asked studying to be a drug counsellor?

711
00:34:18,260 --> 00:34:19,260
Yeah.

712
00:34:19,260 --> 00:34:20,260
You're not clean at the moment, though.

713
00:34:20,260 --> 00:34:21,260
No.

714
00:34:21,260 --> 00:34:23,260
And how long were you using before that?

715
00:34:23,260 --> 00:34:26,260
It's been about over 30 years.

716
00:34:26,260 --> 00:34:28,260
So basically you get high every day?

717
00:34:28,260 --> 00:34:29,260
Oh, yeah.

718
00:34:29,260 --> 00:34:30,260
First thing in the morning?

719
00:34:30,260 --> 00:34:31,260
Like when you get up?

720
00:34:31,260 --> 00:34:32,260
Mm-hm.

721
00:34:32,260 --> 00:34:35,260
We get lucky maybe in the afternoon, but around nap time we get to get high maybe.

722
00:34:35,260 --> 00:34:40,260
But usually at night when we've taken care of all our responsibilities for the day, we

723
00:34:40,260 --> 00:34:41,260
get high in the evening.

724
00:34:41,260 --> 00:34:43,260
What is your criminal history?

725
00:34:43,260 --> 00:34:44,260
Extensive.

726
00:34:44,260 --> 00:34:45,260
Yes.

727
00:34:45,260 --> 00:34:48,260
I was an independent businesswoman.

728
00:34:48,260 --> 00:34:51,260
I used to sell $10,000, $20,000 worth of meth a week.

729
00:34:51,260 --> 00:34:53,260
You had periods where you were apart?

730
00:34:53,260 --> 00:34:54,260
For seven years.

731
00:34:54,260 --> 00:34:55,260
During the incarceration.

732
00:34:55,260 --> 00:34:56,260
During the incarceration.

733
00:34:56,260 --> 00:34:57,260
Yeah.

734
00:34:57,260 --> 00:34:58,260
Have you been incarcerated?

735
00:34:58,260 --> 00:34:59,260
Yeah, you bet.

736
00:34:59,260 --> 00:35:00,260
What for?

737
00:35:00,260 --> 00:35:02,260
About the time she was getting out, I got thrown in.

738
00:35:02,260 --> 00:35:07,260
She did three and a half and I did three and a half, so I put this apart for seven years.

739
00:35:07,260 --> 00:35:09,260
We love being together, okay?

740
00:35:09,260 --> 00:35:12,260
I couldn't stand anybody else, nobody else would put up with me, so.

741
00:35:12,260 --> 00:35:15,260
Yeah, I can't stand anybody else either, you know, I just love her.

742
00:35:15,260 --> 00:35:16,260
Nobody would put up with him either.

743
00:35:16,260 --> 00:35:18,260
Hey, it would too.

744
00:35:18,260 --> 00:35:20,260
Would you like to kick the drug?

745
00:35:20,260 --> 00:35:24,260
Oh, I would give anything that I hate using.

746
00:35:24,260 --> 00:35:26,260
Well, you like being high.

747
00:35:26,260 --> 00:35:27,260
I don't, well.

748
00:35:27,260 --> 00:35:28,260
Do you?

749
00:35:28,260 --> 00:35:29,260
At times.

750
00:35:29,260 --> 00:35:32,260
I don't like, I don't like being suicidal.

751
00:35:32,260 --> 00:35:36,260
I don't like laying in my bed for three weeks at a time, not being able to get up and take a shower.

752
00:35:36,260 --> 00:35:38,260
I don't like that, you know?

753
00:35:38,260 --> 00:35:42,260
I don't like, um, not feeling right, you know?

754
00:35:42,260 --> 00:35:50,260
I just, I just want to be able to function and, you know, I'm a smart person.

755
00:35:50,260 --> 00:35:55,260
I have a lot to offer and I love people and I want to do things with my life.

756
00:35:55,260 --> 00:36:01,260
But no matter what the consequences are, you end up using again.

757
00:36:01,260 --> 00:36:04,260
We've been spending some time at Westcare inpatient.

758
00:36:04,260 --> 00:36:08,260
The position they would take there is that you do have a choice.

759
00:36:08,260 --> 00:36:10,260
When you're active in your addiction, you don't have that choice.

760
00:36:10,260 --> 00:36:13,260
When you get clean for a while, then there is a choice.

761
00:36:13,260 --> 00:36:17,260
I may make bad choices, but I'm not a bad person, you know?

762
00:36:17,260 --> 00:36:19,260
And it's hard.

763
00:36:19,260 --> 00:36:32,260
There have been times in my addiction when, um, and I'm not proud of that, that, um, you know, I turned to prostitution and the things that I've had to do to survive and to support my drug habit.

764
00:36:32,260 --> 00:36:34,260
Carl, how did you deal with that?

765
00:36:34,260 --> 00:36:36,260
I made sure that she was safe while she was turning tricks.

766
00:36:36,260 --> 00:36:37,260
Just watch the door.

767
00:36:37,260 --> 00:36:38,260
You know?

768
00:36:38,260 --> 00:36:39,260
And that's sad right then.

769
00:36:39,260 --> 00:36:40,260
Why?

770
00:36:40,260 --> 00:36:43,260
Because it has nothing to do with my love for her.

771
00:36:43,260 --> 00:36:44,260
My love for her.

772
00:36:44,260 --> 00:36:45,260
Be honest, be honest.

773
00:36:45,260 --> 00:36:47,260
And because we wanted to know, you know?

774
00:36:47,260 --> 00:36:49,260
We all wanted the money at the time.

775
00:36:49,260 --> 00:36:57,260
I'm the ultimate recycler.

776
00:36:57,260 --> 00:36:58,260
Are you?

777
00:36:58,260 --> 00:36:59,260
Yes.

778
00:36:59,260 --> 00:37:01,260
Carl found this stuff out in the yard the other day.

779
00:37:01,260 --> 00:37:03,260
He said, man, that looks like a duck.

780
00:37:03,260 --> 00:37:07,260
And so I started putting that, I don't know, and, like, I made my curtains and...

781
00:37:07,260 --> 00:37:08,260
Did you do that?

782
00:37:08,260 --> 00:37:09,260
Those are my boys.

783
00:37:09,260 --> 00:37:11,260
See, this was just a stick out in the yard.

784
00:37:11,260 --> 00:37:14,260
And you can see the faces that are in it.

785
00:37:14,260 --> 00:37:15,260
You whittled that.

786
00:37:15,260 --> 00:37:16,260
This is the first time I've ever done anything.

787
00:37:16,260 --> 00:37:17,260
I'm so mad.

788
00:37:17,260 --> 00:37:18,260
That's my first one.

789
00:37:18,260 --> 00:37:23,260
And she's actually all under everything in here.

790
00:37:23,260 --> 00:37:24,260
She sews herself.

791
00:37:24,260 --> 00:37:27,260
And this is where you spend a lot of time too?

792
00:37:27,260 --> 00:37:28,260
Yeah, this is our...

793
00:37:28,260 --> 00:37:30,260
What we sell.

794
00:37:32,260 --> 00:37:33,260
Is that you?

795
00:37:33,260 --> 00:37:35,260
Yes.

796
00:37:35,260 --> 00:37:37,260
You had a little more meat on you.

797
00:37:37,260 --> 00:37:38,260
Yeah.

798
00:37:38,260 --> 00:37:40,260
That was before I relapsed.

799
00:37:40,260 --> 00:37:43,260
You were saying you don't keep more photos of your boys around here.

800
00:37:43,260 --> 00:37:44,260
For what reason?

801
00:37:44,260 --> 00:37:45,260
It's hard.

802
00:37:45,260 --> 00:37:46,260
Why?

803
00:37:46,260 --> 00:37:51,260
When I was in prison, they would send me some pictures and I would see the pictures.

804
00:37:51,260 --> 00:37:56,260
It's just almost too much pain to bear because, I mean, it's almost like I couldn't even breathe air.

805
00:37:56,260 --> 00:37:59,260
Because I missed everything so much.

806
00:37:59,260 --> 00:38:02,260
I would give anything to change a dirty diaper or clean up puke.

807
00:38:02,260 --> 00:38:05,260
I mean, I just loved being a mom so much.

808
00:38:05,260 --> 00:38:12,260
And you would think that after seven years that the pain would lessen and that you would get over it.

809
00:38:12,260 --> 00:38:14,260
But you never do.

810
00:38:14,260 --> 00:38:17,260
I hate the quietness.

811
00:38:17,260 --> 00:38:19,260
I hate not having the chaos.

812
00:38:19,260 --> 00:38:21,260
That's why you came out to Fresno.

813
00:38:21,260 --> 00:38:22,260
Yeah.

814
00:38:22,260 --> 00:38:23,260
To be nearer the kids.

815
00:38:23,260 --> 00:38:24,260
And I did.

816
00:38:24,260 --> 00:38:28,260
And, um, I was doing well.

817
00:38:28,260 --> 00:38:33,260
Sometimes a trigger can be doing poorly and you'll, it's a trigger.

818
00:38:33,260 --> 00:38:35,260
Sometimes doing well can be a trigger for me.

819
00:38:35,260 --> 00:38:37,260
Sometimes money is a trigger for me.

820
00:38:37,260 --> 00:38:44,260
And that's kind of what happened is that, you know, we got this place and everything and we had a couple of bucks and I needed to clean the house.

821
00:38:44,260 --> 00:38:48,260
And, um, I, I lost my choice when I went and used again, you know.

822
00:38:48,260 --> 00:38:49,260
You needed to clean the house.

823
00:38:49,260 --> 00:38:51,260
So what's that got to do with getting high?

824
00:38:51,260 --> 00:38:52,260
No, I needed the energy.

825
00:38:52,260 --> 00:38:53,260
You know, people drink coffee.

826
00:38:53,260 --> 00:38:55,260
I do meth, you know.

827
00:38:55,260 --> 00:39:01,260
And, um, I hate not, I hate not being clean, but I hate being clean, you know.

828
00:39:01,260 --> 00:39:04,260
I'm messed up by using again.

829
00:39:04,260 --> 00:39:14,260
I was back out with the police.

830
00:39:14,260 --> 00:39:17,260
Is that your, your boyfriend or your husband?

831
00:39:17,260 --> 00:39:18,260
My husband.

832
00:39:18,260 --> 00:39:19,260
Your husband.

833
00:39:19,260 --> 00:39:26,260
By now, our patrols had become a nightly ritual of busts of the desperate and the addicted.

834
00:39:26,260 --> 00:39:28,260
There's no police department coming to the door.

835
00:39:28,260 --> 00:39:29,260
Many of them on meth.

836
00:39:29,260 --> 00:39:32,260
It's about 15, 20.

837
00:39:32,260 --> 00:39:44,260
The faces changed, but the stories had become familiar.

838
00:39:44,260 --> 00:39:51,260
I was in danger of becoming desensitized to the plight of the people I was seeing.

839
00:39:51,260 --> 00:39:53,260
All right, John, go ahead and relax.

840
00:39:53,260 --> 00:39:57,260
What I want you to do is follow my finger for me, okay?

841
00:39:57,260 --> 00:39:58,260
He's under arrest, Matt.

842
00:39:58,260 --> 00:39:59,260
Yes, sir.

843
00:39:59,260 --> 00:40:00,260
What's his charge?

844
00:40:00,260 --> 00:40:01,260
Possession of meth.

845
00:40:01,260 --> 00:40:02,260
Possession of meth, okay.

846
00:40:02,260 --> 00:40:03,260
So where'd you get the meth from?

847
00:40:03,260 --> 00:40:04,260
Um, one of my friends.

848
00:40:04,260 --> 00:40:05,260
He'll be around here.

849
00:40:05,260 --> 00:40:06,260
He'll be around here.

850
00:40:06,260 --> 00:40:07,260
How old are you?

851
00:40:07,260 --> 00:40:08,260
How old are you?

852
00:40:08,260 --> 00:40:09,260
16.

853
00:40:09,260 --> 00:40:10,260
You know it's illegal, right?

854
00:40:10,260 --> 00:40:11,260
Yes, sir.

855
00:40:11,260 --> 00:40:12,260
You know it's a felony?

856
00:40:12,260 --> 00:40:13,260
Yes, sir.

857
00:40:13,260 --> 00:40:14,260
You know it's a felony?

858
00:40:14,260 --> 00:40:15,260
Yes, sir.

859
00:40:15,260 --> 00:40:16,260
You ever been arrested for any narcotics in the past?

860
00:40:16,260 --> 00:40:17,260
Anything at all like that?

861
00:40:17,260 --> 00:40:18,260
No.

862
00:40:18,260 --> 00:40:20,260
I haven't thought about narcotics before, but I've been worried about arresting.

863
00:40:20,260 --> 00:40:21,260
Okay.

864
00:40:21,260 --> 00:40:22,260
You're a bit worried about what's going to happen?

865
00:40:22,260 --> 00:40:23,260
Yeah.

866
00:40:23,260 --> 00:40:24,260
You're worried about your grandparents?

867
00:40:24,260 --> 00:40:25,260
Yeah, because I don't know what they're going to say.

868
00:40:25,260 --> 00:40:26,260
Do you live with your grandparents?

869
00:40:26,260 --> 00:40:27,260
Yes, sir.

870
00:40:27,260 --> 00:40:28,260
Where are your parents?

871
00:40:28,260 --> 00:40:30,260
Um, when I was little, my mom left me with my dad.

872
00:40:30,260 --> 00:40:34,260
And then my dad didn't have enough money to support me, so I just stayed with my grandparents

873
00:40:34,260 --> 00:40:35,260
my whole life.

874
00:40:35,260 --> 00:40:36,260
The only thing since I was a baby.

875
00:40:36,260 --> 00:40:37,260
And you're worried about what they're going to think when they find out you've been arrested.

876
00:40:37,260 --> 00:40:38,260
Yeah.

877
00:40:38,260 --> 00:40:39,260
What do you think they will think?

878
00:40:39,260 --> 00:40:40,260
My mother probably going to be disappointed and mad.

879
00:40:40,260 --> 00:40:41,260
Disappointed and mad?

880
00:40:41,260 --> 00:40:42,260
Yeah.

881
00:40:42,260 --> 00:40:43,260
Upset?

882
00:40:43,260 --> 00:40:44,260
Yeah.

883
00:40:44,260 --> 00:40:45,260
Yeah.

884
00:40:45,260 --> 00:40:46,260
Yeah.

885
00:40:46,260 --> 00:40:47,260
Yeah.

886
00:40:47,260 --> 00:40:48,260
John followed me, buddy.

887
00:40:48,260 --> 00:40:49,260
Yeah.

888
00:40:49,260 --> 00:40:50,260
Yeah.

889
00:40:50,260 --> 00:40:51,260
Yeah.

890
00:40:51,260 --> 00:40:52,260
Yeah.

891
00:40:52,260 --> 00:40:53,260
Yeah.

892
00:40:53,260 --> 00:40:54,260
Yeah.

893
00:40:54,260 --> 00:40:55,260
Yeah.

894
00:40:55,260 --> 00:40:56,260
Yeah.

895
00:40:56,260 --> 00:40:57,260
Yeah.

896
00:40:57,260 --> 00:40:58,260
Yeah.

897
00:40:58,260 --> 00:40:59,260
Yeah.

898
00:40:59,260 --> 00:41:00,260
Yeah.

899
00:41:00,260 --> 00:41:01,260
Yeah.

900
00:41:01,260 --> 00:41:02,260
Yeah.

901
00:41:02,260 --> 00:41:03,260
Yeah.

902
00:41:03,260 --> 00:41:04,260
Yeah.

903
00:41:04,260 --> 00:41:05,260
Yeah.

904
00:41:05,260 --> 00:41:06,260
John, follow me, buddy.

905
00:41:06,260 --> 00:41:07,260
Yeah.

906
00:41:07,260 --> 00:41:08,260
Yeah.

907
00:41:08,260 --> 00:41:09,260
Yeah.

908
00:41:09,260 --> 00:41:10,260
Yeah.

909
00:41:10,260 --> 00:41:11,260
Yeah.

910
00:41:11,260 --> 00:41:12,260
Yeah.

911
00:41:12,260 --> 00:41:13,260
Yeah.

912
00:41:13,260 --> 00:41:14,260
Yeah.

913
00:41:14,260 --> 00:41:15,260
Yeah.

914
00:41:15,260 --> 00:41:19,260
What's your sense of what's going to happen in the next five, ten years?

915
00:41:19,260 --> 00:41:22,260
That's a kind of a scary thought.

916
00:41:22,260 --> 00:41:27,260
It's kind of like a plague on this generation that you see that so many people are getting addicted

917
00:41:27,260 --> 00:41:32,260
and in the last few years I'd say the majority of the ones that we're seeing are meth.

918
00:41:32,260 --> 00:41:34,260
There's the primary drug of choice.

919
00:41:34,260 --> 00:41:39,260
It almost seems like it's family and kids are getting involved now and parents aren't

920
00:41:39,260 --> 00:41:40,260
allowing it.

921
00:41:40,260 --> 00:41:46,260
And it just seems to be so many people are getting addicted to the drug and not as many

922
00:41:46,260 --> 00:41:50,260
are getting, you know, turned around and going the other way.

923
00:41:50,260 --> 00:41:53,260
They're addicted and they continue to want that lifestyle.

924
00:41:53,260 --> 00:41:58,260
I was on the way back from my last patrol when Sergeant Tejan made a stop that was unlike

925
00:41:58,260 --> 00:42:00,260
anything I'd seen before.

926
00:42:00,260 --> 00:42:03,260
First into Larry with Domestic in front of the NPM.

927
00:42:03,260 --> 00:42:04,260
What's going on?

928
00:42:04,260 --> 00:42:05,260
You guys having a little argument or something?

929
00:42:05,260 --> 00:42:06,260
We're just talking.

930
00:42:06,260 --> 00:42:08,260
Do me a favour, come over here for me.

931
00:42:08,260 --> 00:42:10,260
Keep your hand on top of your head.

932
00:42:10,260 --> 00:42:16,260
A man high on meth and armed with a knife had been having a rowdy argument in a parking

933
00:42:16,260 --> 00:42:17,260
lot with his sister.

934
00:42:17,260 --> 00:42:18,260
Has he hit you?

935
00:42:18,260 --> 00:42:19,260
Has he hurt you or anything?

936
00:42:19,260 --> 00:42:20,260
No.

937
00:42:20,260 --> 00:42:21,260
Has he hit you in the past?

938
00:42:21,260 --> 00:42:22,260
Yeah.

939
00:42:22,260 --> 00:42:23,260
Yeah?

940
00:42:23,260 --> 00:42:25,260
When he gets high does he get violent?

941
00:42:25,260 --> 00:42:26,260
Yes?

942
00:42:26,260 --> 00:42:30,260
I don't have to admit to meth and I have the right to remain silent.

943
00:42:30,260 --> 00:42:31,260
Okay.

944
00:42:31,260 --> 00:42:32,260
Dennis is your brother?

945
00:42:32,260 --> 00:42:33,260
Yeah.

946
00:42:33,260 --> 00:42:40,260
Am I right in thinking you've been using meth to see me?

947
00:42:40,260 --> 00:42:43,260
Do you use occasionally or quite a bit?

948
00:42:43,260 --> 00:42:45,260
I've been trying to put...

949
00:42:45,260 --> 00:42:51,260
When he's used in the past he's been violent to you sometimes?

950
00:42:51,260 --> 00:42:52,260
Yeah.

951
00:42:52,260 --> 00:42:55,260
I left in an ambulance last time.

952
00:42:55,260 --> 00:42:58,260
Also on the scene was the man's wife.

953
00:42:58,260 --> 00:43:02,260
You said he never was violent with you but now I notice that you have a restraining order.

954
00:43:02,260 --> 00:43:03,260
Yeah, it wasn't a violent restraining order.

955
00:43:03,260 --> 00:43:05,260
What was the purpose for the restraining order?

956
00:43:05,260 --> 00:43:07,260
I wanted them out of the house.

957
00:43:07,260 --> 00:43:08,260
They were sleeping together.

958
00:43:08,260 --> 00:43:09,260
Who?

959
00:43:09,260 --> 00:43:10,260
And with her.

960
00:43:10,260 --> 00:43:12,260
And his sister?

961
00:43:12,260 --> 00:43:13,260
Yeah.

962
00:43:13,260 --> 00:43:14,260
Okay.

963
00:43:14,260 --> 00:43:17,260
So how long has that been going on?

964
00:43:17,260 --> 00:43:20,260
Two, maybe two and a half years.

965
00:43:20,260 --> 00:43:23,260
How did you become aware of that?

966
00:43:23,260 --> 00:43:25,260
When they finally told me.

967
00:43:25,260 --> 00:43:28,260
Dennis and his sister have been sleeping together?

968
00:43:28,260 --> 00:43:29,260
Yeah.

969
00:43:29,260 --> 00:43:34,260
He said in his head that he was supposed to be with his sister so I really don't know what

970
00:43:34,260 --> 00:43:35,260
was in this morning.

971
00:43:35,260 --> 00:43:38,260
He told you that he was meant to be with his sister sexually?

972
00:43:38,260 --> 00:43:39,260
He told you that?

973
00:43:39,260 --> 00:43:44,260
Well, I found it out after they were sort of staying in the other room.

974
00:43:44,260 --> 00:43:47,260
I mean, that's kind of a crazy thing to say, isn't it?

975
00:43:47,260 --> 00:43:49,260
Yeah, it is.

976
00:43:49,260 --> 00:43:56,260
I don't know what possessed him.

977
00:43:56,260 --> 00:43:58,260
Is there a history of meth in their family?

978
00:43:58,260 --> 00:44:00,260
I think it's my father and his son.

979
00:44:00,260 --> 00:44:04,260
Anna and Dennis' father had a meth problem.

980
00:44:04,260 --> 00:44:21,260
It was a strange parting moment to my experience of families destroyed by meth.

981
00:44:21,260 --> 00:44:40,260
The next day and I was heading back to Westcare for a final catch up with Lynn.

982
00:44:40,260 --> 00:44:45,260
Guide me in my recovery and show me how to live clean.

983
00:44:45,260 --> 00:44:50,260
Keep coming back, it works if you're working, so work it cause you're worth it!

984
00:44:50,260 --> 00:44:59,260
How's it been going here at Westcare?

985
00:44:59,260 --> 00:45:01,260
It's been kind of rocky.

986
00:45:01,260 --> 00:45:06,260
People must be suffering from spring fever because we've had a real outbreak of relapse,

987
00:45:06,260 --> 00:45:10,260
going out and musing, coming back, asking to be readmitted.

988
00:45:10,260 --> 00:45:12,260
We had a death.

989
00:45:12,260 --> 00:45:13,260
Did you?

990
00:45:13,260 --> 00:45:18,260
Not in the program, but a child of one of our mothers who is struggling with respiratory

991
00:45:18,260 --> 00:45:21,260
problems and birth defects passed away at three months.

992
00:45:21,260 --> 00:45:23,260
And that was last week.

993
00:45:23,260 --> 00:45:24,260
We had the funeral yesterday.

994
00:45:24,260 --> 00:45:25,260
That's very sad.

995
00:45:25,260 --> 00:45:27,260
It was very sad, I get goosebumps.

996
00:45:27,260 --> 00:45:29,260
When you get upset about that, what are you thinking about?

997
00:45:29,260 --> 00:45:32,260
What a tragedy, that it didn't have to happen.

998
00:45:32,260 --> 00:45:36,260
That there's education, there's services, there's prevention.

999
00:45:36,260 --> 00:45:40,260
That, you know, our hope is that the seed we plant here avoids it in the future.

1000
00:45:40,260 --> 00:45:45,260
Maybe that baby had to die so some other mother who's using right now won't.

1001
00:45:45,260 --> 00:45:47,260
It's tough.

1002
00:45:47,260 --> 00:45:50,260
Anyone who's got a problem with meth?

1003
00:45:50,260 --> 00:45:51,260
Meth is a devil's drug.

1004
00:45:51,260 --> 00:45:53,260
That's all I said.

1005
00:45:53,260 --> 00:45:54,260
It's just, it's evil.

1006
00:45:54,260 --> 00:45:55,260
It's bad.

1007
00:45:55,260 --> 00:45:56,260
I mean, I'm 23 years old.

1008
00:45:56,260 --> 00:45:58,260
I've already been in prison twice behind it.

1009
00:45:58,260 --> 00:45:59,260
It's horrible.

1010
00:45:59,260 --> 00:46:00,260
It takes your freedom.

1011
00:46:00,260 --> 00:46:01,260
It takes your self-respect.

1012
00:46:01,260 --> 00:46:02,260
It takes your self-respect.

1013
00:46:02,260 --> 00:46:05,260
It takes anything positive you've ever had.

1014
00:46:05,260 --> 00:46:08,260
What do you think it is that makes people recover?

1015
00:46:08,260 --> 00:46:14,260
A lot of it has to do with a single incident in time, like having a litter mate lose their baby.

1016
00:46:14,260 --> 00:46:21,260
Others might be that finally they saw themselves in the mirror as I walked by a storefront and saw, oh my God, who is that person?

1017
00:46:21,260 --> 00:46:29,260
Some folks come in here to avoid other things like prison and losing their children and along the way they discover they're not such bad people.

1018
00:46:29,260 --> 00:46:32,260
And they're a pretty good company.

1019
00:46:32,260 --> 00:46:34,260
So they decide to like themselves.

1020
00:46:34,260 --> 00:46:39,260
And once you start liking yourself, you start feeling entitled to all the good things life has to give you.

1021
00:46:39,260 --> 00:46:44,260
And so you'll do things like take good care of yourself and say, no, I'm not going to hang out with you.

1022
00:46:44,260 --> 00:46:47,260
Or that methamphetamine is ruining my life.

1023
00:46:47,260 --> 00:46:48,260
I'm going to stop.

1024
00:46:48,260 --> 00:46:50,260
Would you say a majority don't?

1025
00:46:51,260 --> 00:47:00,260
No, I think you'll find as a national average about 64% of folks that enter treatment successfully complete the treatment episode.

1026
00:47:00,260 --> 00:47:04,260
How many of those stay clean and sober is really unknown.

1027
00:47:04,260 --> 00:47:08,260
From being with you, I know anecdotally that you see the same faces coming in and coming in.

1028
00:47:08,260 --> 00:47:09,260
I do.

1029
00:47:09,260 --> 00:47:12,260
I don't have a problem with someone coming in 14, 15 times.

1030
00:47:12,260 --> 00:47:13,260
At least they're back here.

1031
00:47:13,260 --> 00:47:14,260
Yes.

1032
00:47:14,260 --> 00:47:16,260
Is it possible that it's not really about meth?

1033
00:47:16,260 --> 00:47:24,260
It's about severely damaged people, people from traumatic backgrounds, and that they'll find something to medicate themselves with no matter what?

1034
00:47:24,260 --> 00:47:25,260
Yes.

1035
00:47:25,260 --> 00:47:27,260
I think you're right.

1036
00:47:27,260 --> 00:47:32,260
The physical and the psychological addiction is much more potent than other drugs.

1037
00:47:32,260 --> 00:47:40,260
And because it's cheap, abundant and rapidly and highly addictive, of course, that's why we have more of them.

1038
00:47:40,260 --> 00:47:50,260
Methamphetamine, the rapid spread, the rapid addiction, the rapid destruction of families, the rapid growth in criminal behavior to support the drug habit, is measurable.

1039
00:47:50,260 --> 00:47:53,260
You've seen it in the last decade.

1040
00:47:53,260 --> 00:47:56,260
And the question of why goes back to availability.

1041
00:47:56,260 --> 00:47:58,260
It's very easy to cook in your kitchen.

1042
00:47:58,260 --> 00:48:02,260
Therefore, I can cook it, sell it, make some money, and take care of my family.

1043
00:48:02,260 --> 00:48:19,260
And then it takes care of you.

1044
00:48:19,260 --> 00:48:23,260
My time among the addicts in Fresno was nearly up.

1045
00:48:23,260 --> 00:48:29,260
But before I left, I tracked down a few of the people I'd met during my stay.

1046
00:48:29,260 --> 00:48:36,260
Santeca I found back behind bars at the Madeira County Jail.

1047
00:48:36,260 --> 00:48:37,260
So what's the story?

1048
00:48:37,260 --> 00:48:47,260
Well, when I left the program, when I saw you guys, well, that Thursday, I got high.

1049
00:48:47,260 --> 00:48:48,260
Really?

1050
00:48:48,260 --> 00:48:49,260
Yeah.

1051
00:48:49,260 --> 00:48:50,260
Were you high when we saw you?

1052
00:48:50,260 --> 00:48:51,260
No.

1053
00:48:51,260 --> 00:48:54,260
I won't be high to go see my daughter.

1054
00:48:54,260 --> 00:48:56,260
That day, though?

1055
00:48:56,260 --> 00:48:57,260
Why?

1056
00:48:57,260 --> 00:49:01,260
You don't wake up just saying, you just, I don't know, you don't wake up saying you're

1057
00:49:01,260 --> 00:49:03,260
going to get high, you just do it, I guess.

1058
00:49:03,260 --> 00:49:06,260
I don't know, for me, I just do it, because I liked it.

1059
00:49:06,260 --> 00:49:10,260
And it's not that I don't want my kids or anything, it's that I like to get high.

1060
00:49:10,260 --> 00:49:11,260
That's the problem.

1061
00:49:11,260 --> 00:49:15,260
And it's the problem of not wanting to like it, but you just do.

1062
00:49:15,260 --> 00:49:17,260
I just do.

1063
00:49:17,260 --> 00:49:22,260
You had also said that living with your boyfriend while he was using was going to be a challenge

1064
00:49:22,260 --> 00:49:23,260
for you.

1065
00:49:23,260 --> 00:49:24,260
Right.

1066
00:49:24,260 --> 00:49:25,260
What was the obstacle?

1067
00:49:25,260 --> 00:49:30,260
Well, I pretty much set myself up for failure, didn't I?

1068
00:49:30,260 --> 00:49:38,260
But like I said, I guess I did, because at that moment I didn't have nowhere else to go.

1069
00:49:38,260 --> 00:49:41,260
And he had come to visit me, thinking that, you know, it's all going to be okay, I'm not

1070
00:49:41,260 --> 00:49:42,260
going to use either.

1071
00:49:42,260 --> 00:49:47,260
Well, it didn't change.

1072
00:49:47,260 --> 00:49:49,260
You really love him?

1073
00:49:49,260 --> 00:49:53,260
I don't know, because I don't know if he's going to change.

1074
00:49:53,260 --> 00:49:56,260
So, I mean, if I go back to him, then he's just going to be my enabler and I'm going to

1075
00:49:56,260 --> 00:49:58,260
use again.

1076
00:49:58,260 --> 00:50:00,260
I won't change and I'll never get my kids back.

1077
00:50:00,260 --> 00:50:01,260
So.

1078
00:50:01,260 --> 00:50:06,260
It's definitely open to you to go back into recovery.

1079
00:50:06,260 --> 00:50:10,260
That road is still, they're not going to say no, you've had enough chances.

1080
00:50:10,260 --> 00:50:12,260
No, they just want to give me another chance, I guess.

1081
00:50:12,260 --> 00:50:13,260
So they're giving me another chance to the program.

1082
00:50:13,260 --> 00:50:16,260
But I have to do a year, at least up to a year program.

1083
00:50:16,260 --> 00:50:17,260
Which is fine.

1084
00:50:17,260 --> 00:50:19,260
And hopefully it'll work this time.

1085
00:50:19,260 --> 00:50:21,260
I'll try to make it work.

1086
00:50:21,260 --> 00:50:28,260
You know, I want my kids and my life, but it's just hard, you know.

1087
00:50:28,260 --> 00:50:30,260
It's hard to quit.

1088
00:50:30,260 --> 00:50:49,260
Lee-Ann, on the other hand, was back living with her husband.

1089
00:50:49,260 --> 00:50:56,260
And by all appearances, making good progress.

1090
00:50:56,260 --> 00:50:57,260
How have you been doing?

1091
00:50:57,260 --> 00:50:58,260
Great.

1092
00:50:58,260 --> 00:50:59,260
Are you clean?

1093
00:50:59,260 --> 00:51:00,260
Yep.

1094
00:51:00,260 --> 00:51:02,260
64 days today.

1095
00:51:02,260 --> 00:51:03,260
You sure, Robert?

1096
00:51:03,260 --> 00:51:04,260
Is she clean?

1097
00:51:04,260 --> 00:51:05,260
Yep.

1098
00:51:05,260 --> 00:51:06,260
You sure?

1099
00:51:06,260 --> 00:51:07,260
Yep.

1100
00:51:07,260 --> 00:51:08,260
How do you know?

1101
00:51:08,260 --> 00:51:09,260
24-7.

1102
00:51:09,260 --> 00:51:11,260
I have wanted to use twice since I've been home.

1103
00:51:11,260 --> 00:51:14,260
But it was done, I'm done.

1104
00:51:14,260 --> 00:51:18,260
My last appointment was with Carl and Diane.

1105
00:51:18,260 --> 00:51:23,260
I'd arranged to meet Carl outside a pizza parlor near his house.

1106
00:51:23,260 --> 00:51:28,260
You know, from our conversation last time, I had the sense that, in some ways, you were

1107
00:51:28,260 --> 00:51:31,260
happier in your addiction than Diane is in hers.

1108
00:51:31,260 --> 00:51:36,260
Being a girl, first off, she started out, you know, when she was only like 12 or 13,

1109
00:51:36,260 --> 00:51:40,260
the people she was with, they would let the dealers rape her.

1110
00:51:40,260 --> 00:51:45,260
Therefore, I haven't had to go through the things that she's had to go through, you know.

1111
00:51:45,260 --> 00:51:49,260
And so, yeah, I have a whole lot better outlook.

1112
00:51:49,260 --> 00:51:58,260
And being a mother that's doing drugs and probably the consciousness or the reality of

1113
00:51:58,260 --> 00:52:03,260
doing those drugs and how it affects you and your children and your life is probably more,

1114
00:52:03,260 --> 00:52:08,260
I'm sure it's way more devastating on women than it is, say, like, a man, okay?

1115
00:52:08,260 --> 00:52:13,260
You think it's possible she'd be happier if she was clean?

1116
00:52:13,260 --> 00:52:20,260
She hasn't reached that point yet where she's completely, totally committed to staying clean.

1117
00:52:20,260 --> 00:52:22,260
I would throw everything away.

1118
00:52:22,260 --> 00:52:28,260
I would throw it all out of my house today if she said no more.

1119
00:52:28,260 --> 00:52:29,260
No more.

1120
00:52:29,260 --> 00:52:30,260
She's right here.

1121
00:52:30,260 --> 00:52:31,260
Here she comes.

1122
00:52:31,260 --> 00:52:32,260
Here she comes.

1123
00:52:32,260 --> 00:52:33,260
There comes the love of my life.

1124
00:52:33,260 --> 00:52:36,260
How are you doing?

1125
00:52:36,260 --> 00:52:37,260
All right.

1126
00:52:37,260 --> 00:52:38,260
Hi, sweetie.

1127
00:52:38,260 --> 00:52:39,260
Here's to get in here.

1128
00:52:39,260 --> 00:52:40,260
Come on in.

1129
00:52:40,260 --> 00:52:41,260
Thank you.

1130
00:52:41,260 --> 00:52:42,260
Throw stuff like that away.

1131
00:52:49,260 --> 00:52:50,260
Carl and I were just talking about this.

1132
00:52:50,260 --> 00:52:56,260
Would you say, Diane, that you want recovery and you want sobriety more than Carl does?

1133
00:52:56,260 --> 00:52:57,260
I would say that maybe.

1134
00:52:57,260 --> 00:52:58,260
Probably?

1135
00:52:58,260 --> 00:52:59,260
Maybe, yeah.

1136
00:52:59,260 --> 00:53:01,260
And at the same time, perhaps you're not ready.

1137
00:53:01,260 --> 00:53:05,260
It's embarrassing because I know I'm stronger and better than that.

1138
00:53:05,260 --> 00:53:07,260
It's just that it's really a cop-out using.

1139
00:53:07,260 --> 00:53:08,260
It is.

1140
00:53:08,260 --> 00:53:14,260
But if I was to quit the destructive behavior, things could be so much better.

1141
00:53:14,260 --> 00:53:17,260
How could your life be better, do you think?

1142
00:53:17,260 --> 00:53:22,260
Oh, I could have a big old five-bedroom house with all my boys in it, you know, sending them

1143
00:53:22,260 --> 00:53:27,260
all off to college and being able to get a car for my son that's fixing to get his driver's

1144
00:53:27,260 --> 00:53:30,260
license, you know, just all those things.

1145
00:53:30,260 --> 00:53:33,260
Any aspirations that most people have, you know.

1146
00:53:33,260 --> 00:53:38,260
You don't share Diane's idea that, you know, your lives could be so much more than what

1147
00:53:38,260 --> 00:53:39,260
they are now?

1148
00:53:39,260 --> 00:53:44,260
I'm sure it would be.

1149
00:53:44,260 --> 00:53:50,260
But then again, if I wasn't doing dope, it would be better in certain ways.

1150
00:53:50,260 --> 00:53:52,260
But then again, you cannot give me that guarantee.

1151
00:53:52,260 --> 00:53:55,260
You can't give me that promise that if I quit doing dope, my life's going to get better.

1152
00:53:55,260 --> 00:53:57,260
You can't make that call.

1153
00:53:57,260 --> 00:53:58,260
I can't make that call.

1154
00:53:58,260 --> 00:53:59,260
She can't make that call.

1155
00:53:59,260 --> 00:54:00,260
So, why?

1156
00:54:00,260 --> 00:54:01,260
You'll never know, though.

1157
00:54:01,260 --> 00:54:02,260
You'll never know unless you do it.

1158
00:54:02,260 --> 00:54:03,260
Yeah, exactly.

1159
00:54:03,260 --> 00:54:04,260
But I have done it before.

1160
00:54:04,260 --> 00:54:05,260
And was your life better?

1161
00:54:05,260 --> 00:54:10,260
Yeah, I guess.

1162
00:54:10,260 --> 00:54:12,260
He swims in a river of denial.

1163
00:54:12,260 --> 00:54:13,260
Yeah.

1164
00:54:13,260 --> 00:54:18,260
Diane, do you think if you did make the jump and decided to quit and stay clean, are you

1165
00:54:18,260 --> 00:54:20,260
confident Carl would go with you and support you?

1166
00:54:20,260 --> 00:54:21,260
Oh, yeah.

1167
00:54:21,260 --> 00:54:23,260
He wouldn't use behind my back or anything like that.

1168
00:54:23,260 --> 00:54:24,260
No way.

1169
00:54:24,260 --> 00:54:26,260
So it's just waiting for you to make the change.

1170
00:54:26,260 --> 00:54:30,260
You can't sit there and, you know, put off my choices on him.

1171
00:54:30,260 --> 00:54:32,260
Oh, it's because of him that I do this.

1172
00:54:32,260 --> 00:54:35,260
Realistically, I'm not making that choice.

1173
00:54:35,260 --> 00:54:37,260
My choices is using right now.

1174
00:54:37,260 --> 00:54:38,260
And, you know, that's on me.

1175
00:54:38,260 --> 00:54:40,260
I can't put that on anybody else.

1176
00:54:40,260 --> 00:54:44,260
Is it possible that your life is kind of okay now?

1177
00:54:44,260 --> 00:54:45,260
Oh, it's wonderful.

1178
00:54:45,260 --> 00:54:46,260
You know what I mean?

1179
00:54:46,260 --> 00:54:47,260
Our life is great.

1180
00:54:47,260 --> 00:54:48,260
It seems very nice.

1181
00:54:48,260 --> 00:54:49,260
It is.

1182
00:54:49,260 --> 00:54:50,260
It is.

1183
00:54:50,260 --> 00:54:51,260
But it could be so much more.

1184
00:54:51,260 --> 00:54:56,260
It's not always roses for us, you know, considering what all we've been through and everything

1185
00:54:56,260 --> 00:54:57,260
else.

1186
00:54:57,260 --> 00:54:58,260
But, you know, I do love her with all my heart.

1187
00:54:58,260 --> 00:54:59,260
We've been together 20 years.

1188
00:54:59,260 --> 00:55:00,260
You know, I wouldn't trade her.

1189
00:55:00,260 --> 00:55:01,260
She's mine.

1190
00:55:01,260 --> 00:55:02,260
All mine.

1191
00:55:02,260 --> 00:55:07,260
You know, win, lose, draw, whatever.

1192
00:55:07,260 --> 00:55:08,260
She's mine.

1193
00:55:08,260 --> 00:55:10,260
You know, I'm happy.

1194
00:55:10,260 --> 00:55:17,260
You know, I'm more content right now with life, with her being in my life.

1195
00:55:17,260 --> 00:55:19,260
Nothing else matters.

1196
00:55:19,260 --> 00:55:20,260
Not really.

1197
00:55:20,260 --> 00:55:21,260
Nothing.

1198
00:55:21,260 --> 00:55:22,260
Nothing.

1199
00:55:22,260 --> 00:55:23,260
I'm sorry.

1200
00:55:23,260 --> 00:55:24,260
Kids.

1201
00:55:24,260 --> 00:55:25,260
Nobody.

1202
00:55:25,260 --> 00:55:30,260
Nothing matters to me without her.

1203
00:55:30,260 --> 00:55:32,260
He is the love of my life.

1204
00:55:32,260 --> 00:55:33,260
Always has been.

1205
00:55:33,260 --> 00:55:34,260
Always has been.

1206
00:55:34,260 --> 00:55:46,260
It was time to leave Fresno and the world of meth.

1207
00:55:46,260 --> 00:55:48,260
I hoped Diane found recovery.

1208
00:55:48,260 --> 00:55:53,260
I also knew she came from a background where her use was in some ways an understandable response

1209
00:55:53,260 --> 00:55:57,260
to trauma too awful to imagine.

1210
00:55:57,260 --> 00:56:02,260
Meth can destroy lives and create misery, but it also takes root in communities that are

1211
00:56:02,260 --> 00:56:05,260
already chaotic and under strain.

1212
00:56:05,260 --> 00:56:12,260
It provides a primitive and dangerous kind of pain relief, going on to cause new pain across

1213
00:56:12,260 --> 00:56:14,260
the generations.

1214
00:56:14,260 --> 00:56:15,260
No other parts have been broken.

1215
00:56:15,260 --> 00:56:16,260
Look.

1216
00:56:16,260 --> 00:56:18,260
Anyway, let's get back.

1217
00:56:18,260 --> 00:56:29,260
Hope Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place wants Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place St Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Place Losue Place Place Place-jciec Tipp, Shelet 있습니다, Pimley, Sheet-R stove,ife E School na 1964 Place Place Place Place, is there.

1218
00:56:29,260 --> 00:56:30,260
Friends Leaves.

1219
00:56:30,260 --> 00:56:31,260
As a gratitude friend that already was always lanes.

1220
00:56:31,260 --> 00:57:01,240
Transcription by CastingWords